UltrA G0nGsterisM...

going baCk to TeKong!!!

2006-09-24T17:37:00.000+08:00

ok!..yours truly is back from tekong..2 weeks of hell just passed..now is the start of 11 weeks of more hell..lol..anyway..my experience in tekong is too long for me to type..being the lazy me..i shan't say much..anyway..if u wanna know..can sms me..i will reply u only when i got time..but please identify yourself coz the handphone i using don't have all ur numbers..yup.. 3 more hrs to booking in..sian..bye bye S'pore..hello tekong again?..haha..lol..ok la...i go liaoz..miss ya guyz..

Yes Sergeant..Reporting To Tekong School 2..

2006-09-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

this shall be my last entry before you can see me again in another 2 weeks..or more..
yup..going to Tekong this friday for my first official day to NS..from a boy to a man..haha..i love that..

anyway..lets start from saturday onwards..that was my first saturday that i slacked at home from morning to afternoon and at the same time..that was my last saturday that i can slack at home..hehe..after that went to meet up with the people in campsite as they have finished their FD accred..went to eat our "dinner" at macdonalds before heading to Circular Rd TCC gathering cum talk cock session..many people came..and we talk cock..was supposed to celebrate Huda's birthday, but apparently it was somewhat of a farewell to..err.. my hair?..lol..anyway..Alvin EE made a video..thanks to Huda, QingXiang, Jason, P1, P2, Wilson Boey & Teo, Jocelyn, Shuting, Vincent, Hongyi, Ambrose, Joan, Mizael, Yvonne Chua, David Goh, Nicky, Alvin Ee, Joshua, Max, Vanessa, Yingsheng, Yuhui, Qihui, cheekeong and alot more if i didn't mention ur names..hehe.. anyway, TCC was quite fun without some people around..(those who know what am i referring to, pls keep it to yourself..haha).. yup..followed by a supper session with the usual gang..den i and p2 went to kbox at Cine leisure and we sang from 1am all the way to 6am..haha..i think we went crazy singing some songs by F4 and 5566..haha..for more information..please visit Joan's blog or www.youtube.com haha..if you happen to see it..dun be shock..haha..

sunday was a slackers day..last sunday..so must cherish..a day for the family..so i'll be guai and stay at home..haha..yeah..had dinner with family..been weeks since i had a proper one with them..heh..

today..went to meet up with qingxiang and hongyi to army market to buy my stuff..then went to Carrefour to purchase other essential stuff before going to HQ to wait for p2..been chasing p2 from 6-7 pm before we can go to Suntec to meet up with minghuA ah yi!!! haha..yeah..the lost soul that hasn't been updated about RC stuff for so long..lol..yup..and i finally got 3 cards and i gotten my VIP card for pasta mania!!!..haha..finally..TCC and pasta mania..lol.. yup..now back home...2 more days to enjoy before i enlist into army...man..i start to miss my life and my friends...but i'll be back..haha..dun worry..haha

advice n thanks to my friends:-
p2: haha..you're the first one that i wanna thanking coz maybe if i thank you first u'll treat me better when u see me next time..haha..thanks for the talk cock sessions and stuff..just dun stress out urself too much..also..please knock off at the time that you're suppose to knock off..no point sloggin for RC when u're given such pay..u better take care..late working nites isn't healthy..and lastly..WORK CAN NEVER BE FINISHED!!..enjoy while you can..=]

p1: you also another one..but slightly better than p2..haha..yup..hope that the next time i see u, i'll call u aunty soon instead of p1..haha..yup..thanks for everything u have done n helped me..if i dun have this aunty..i'm sure to canot make it...haha..=X

Xinyi (PTS): ahaha..surprised to see ur name here?..haha..ok la..good luck for ur promos when i'm not around..and stop thinking about him..haha..u already have me and still wan him..haha.. dun be greedy..haha..thank you for being a very gd friend..i miss ur complains and bi*ching..duno whether next time i got time to hear u bi*ch n stuff..haha..jus concentrate on ur promos..jiayou!!..oh yah..i wan my ice cream!!..haha..better meet you out someday to claim back my ice-cream..yup..dun worry so much abt him..and do take care yeah..=] I’ll miss you a lot PTS..hehe..dun wanna say more mushy stuff here..=]

jason: ah..this dota counterpart..never fail to dota at night and wake up early..haha..ya..thanks for the dota sessions these past few days..haha..dun sleep so late liaoz..bad for health..haha..take care manz and..have a nice holiday..will miss the dota sessions with you..lol..

qingxiang: yes..the guy that i can click very well on..ahaha..a great leader in west district..haha..i'll see you soon in NS..next time will be my turn to send you off..haha..anyway.. good luck with (you know what am i talking about)..don't worry too much abt it...the grass is greener on the other side..haha..yup..thanks for crappin n advices you gave..haha..sure to have fun wif you around..hehe..will miss ya..

Ambrose: MY GAY PARTNER!!!..ok la...really have to thank you for alot of things that i can't list them out all here..too long..haha..ya..one of the days after i come out..we'll gay together and promote more gayism in RC..haha..yup..take care man..dun worry so much abt RC stuff..your hair is starting to turn white soon..haha..yup..will miss you and ur gayism..dun gay ard while I not around..haha..if not I’ll shave off ur head…lol..

Alvin Ee: Thanks Alvin for being always everywhere..although I know that you like to sit my car a lot..and take advantage of my car..but haha..u’ve been a great friend and help in my years of RC..will miss you also when I inside..haha..and Alvin..ORD in 2 months time!! Haha..argh..PINK IC!! Haha…=]

Chee Keong: haha..ORD soon also ah!!..will definitely miss you, Ee, max, josh, huda and david..you guys bring fun and laughter into my life..ORD liao dun show off pink ic hor..if not I break ur pink ic!! Haha..jk jk..lol..=]

Max, Joshua: haha..i’ll join both of you soon..den we can form the botak head gang..haha..yup..miss the fun and laughter from you guys…we shall hold more TCC sessions next time after I’m out..and supper also!! Haha..take care Guys!!..=)

David (ah benG): ahaha..yea..ORD soon too?..haha..yea..heard u’re sick..yup take care..faster go get car!!..den we can all drive!! Weee..haha..i’ll miss you too also..next time when I ORD..we are drivers too!! Haha..takE care manz!! =]

Alison: hey youngest member in the piggy family haha..dun cheonG so much liaoz la..bad for your health..lol..concentrate on your studies dun thInk so much about him..HaHa..will miSs ya a lot..takE care of yourself..if not I ask Clara to discipline you..ahaha..take care yah..! =)

Clara: yaya..i know you miss me coZ I’m not working..haha..dun miss me hor..haha..i still wanna say I admit I miss you itcy bitcy tiny bit only..haha..yup..takE care alritez?..if got time go discipline on Alison..haha..shE chEong-ing too much..haha..but u dun go follow her footstep and chEong also ah!! Haha..gooD luck in ur perm job!!..=]

Wilson Teo: haha..yah..CSM..u think I’ve forgotten you?..haha..thankS for being everywhere..you’ve been a good friend..hehe..next time when I got time..we got eat supper ok?..haha..will definitely miss you manz..tAke care and good luck in ur studies..hehe..

To a particular someone: Tu Zi..i know you won’t be reading my blOg..yah..just wanna tell you that I’ll miss you a lot a lot when I go into NS..won’t be hearing from you soon..yah..if I got time I’ll date you someday ok?..hehe..gonna graduate liaoz dun be lazy..work hard and jiayou..get ur driving license liaoz must come drive me around ah..haha..i wanna see ur driving skills..lol..yup..take care and miss yA..remember to miSs me ok?..although I think u won’t..haha..=]

To the rest: to all my friends whom I didn’t mention above..pls dun be disheartened that u’re not here..you are always remembered by me when I go into NS..hehe..if I got time..i meet you all up ok?..haha..take care and good luck in wadever you Do and wherever you go..=]

another boring week...

2006-08-12T20:48:00.000+08:00

another boring week..everyone of my RC fwens is down at National Camp..while i'm here..rotting i think..anyway..didn't have much of a exciting life this week..coz its National Day..
basically rot during national day..didn't have a sense of patriotism at all..haha..yah..

yesterday went down to reccee the venue for first aid competition..got basically an idea what will be going on for that day...as well as being OIC for 3 different component..i can basically die there if anything screwed up..anyway..2 more weeks..to the event...less than 1 month to NS..duno how my life would be in this few weeks and days..

always felt hopeless ever since that then..i duno even what am i thinking..many asked me many things..but i don't have the courage to say it out..let alone let anyone know..i know many people wanna know what is happening in my life.. but i just don't have the courage to tell you all..i know i've made many mistakes in life..which i have gradually changed overtime..whether is it in relationships or friends..but there's one thing i can't understand..why must it happened in this way..well..blame on my life..i just have to live with my bitter life..w/o blaming anything or anyone..

Tag Replies:

elizabeth> haha..13 years old little girl..=] my way of typing is not for people to understand..but to feel..if u don't know how i write..den u won't understand how i feel..ritez?..and about the arrogent part..compliment is a section to compliment my blog layout not ME!!..and testimonial..unless u don't have people writing testimonial in friendster..if not u can't say i'm arrogent..haha..

fran> don't imagine..u wouldn't wanna know..haha..

esther> haha..maybe..i'll..if i have the time..but if no time..den wait..haha..

wen> huh?..

counting down...

2006-08-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

yes..counting down..1 more month to NS..i should say i'm anticipated?..excited?..probably no feeling at all..well..has been a good week i must say..jus bothered about some stuff..

ya..we talked just now..i can feel his determination and decision to leave..i can't stop him from leaving..its his own life and his own decision. what i can tell you my friend, take a break from it, we'll still welcome you back if you want to come back. heh..take care my friend..=]

these past few days have been feeling some uneasiness when i met him..i always got that feeling that he is purposely ignoring me or probably because i'm not going up to talk to him?..i feel kind of regretful about the money issue..i always tried my best to chase back whatever things i can..but end up..it got delayed..i think is this issue that you're ignoring me?..or perhapes i'm just thinking too much?.. i'm not sure..always felt regretful about owing you these stuff..if these things can't be chased back, i'll have to pay him back from my own pocket then..can't let him handle the amount alone..sigh..

ok...isn't a good week for me i guess..lost hope in some stuff..sigh..

nothing much to say liaoz...

badminton tmr..will try to blog about that..heh..off i go..

not in a good mood..not in a bad mood..

2006-07-31T22:35:00.000+08:00

kay..as the title says..i'm not in a good mood and not in a bad mood..
i can't understand some people even myself..i know that some people want me to do this, i do for them..some people want me to do that, i do for my friends without any complains..but sometimes i have difficulties..i can't satisfy everyone's request..i know everyone wans this..but i can't let everyone have this..not that i don't want to let you have it..but it's really beyond me..i know your pains..i understand ur pains..but i only have limited capabilities to do it..sigh..i felt guilty..so guilty..sigh..
i don't understand..
seriously don't understand it at all..

wanted to cut botak yesterday for CCF but i browsed the site again and i found out that i need to registered before going through the so-called ceremony..so silly of me..anyway..sooner or later..i'll go botak..1 more month left..before i go into a place where all man calls it "prison"..

=\

-i have not seen her cried for a very long time..-

-when she cried..i felt hurt..so so hurt-

-please don't cry again..i'll always be there for you-

-i know you won't read this..but don't cry again..=]-

1 more month left...

2006-07-28T21:32:00.000+08:00

finally i blogged!!..ahaha..anyone happy?..lol..ok la..i've been quite busy for the past few days. mainly because i have been involve as chief trainer for casualty evacuation workshop for past 2 saturdays. the first saturday i had to teach the theory part of the evac to the kids..followed by instructor's teacher with their own groups..i must say..the instructors play a very important role in the workshop..without them..i'll die of a terrible death..haha..

second saturday was quite hectic with the teaching of radio com..did theory accred papers with the kids and most of them pass..hehe..shan't elaborate more..

following day..the cadets had their practical test for their evac..discipline wasn't up to standard that made me scolded them..anyway..most of them passed their accreds..congrates to them..and there are those who failed..try harder next time...

anyway..on monday..celebrated my uncle's birthday..haha..so farni la..we gave him a c***** and was like so funny giving him these stuff..haha..

yesterday went cycling with the HSA friends..so fun..cycling from one end of ECP to another end of ECP..my stupid bike..duno what happened to the gear..can't ride fast..curse that bike..in the end was the slowest among everyone..ahaha..anyway..after that we went to eat the foodcourt next to ECP macs..after that took a cab back to HSA...2 guys (shan't mention who to protect their identity) was exchanging **** using their handphone..haha..so farni la...

today..this morning...woke up quite early..why!?..coz i had diarrhea..haha...but not only me who had it..the rest of my HSA friends all had diarrhea too..haha..we suspect was the indonesian grilled stuff we ate yesterday..but congyi suspect Alison's cookies was the cause of it..haha..but i think it wasn't la..since her sis ate alot of it..haha..yah..so..we pushed all the blame to the ECP's foodcourt indonesian restaurant..the grilled stuff there...beware..dun eat there..haha..looks tempting..but dun be tempted..if not u'll have a full day of diarrhea like me..haha..

ok ok..shall blog more again soon...bye

Youth Day!!..

2006-07-05T09:11:00.000+08:00

yawn..so tired..now in office working..boring..

anyway..nothing to blog about these past few days except telling u guys that i've been rotting @ home since sunday..haha..did nothing much..didn't go out..no one to date with..guess my life is always that.."SIAN"..

so fast..another 2 months and i'll be botak head..before going in, got many RC events. Need help for First Aid Competition in August..i need ushers for that day..coz i Usher OIC..hehe..pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls help me..haha..

ok la..tag my board if u wan to help ok?..lol..=D..

Tag Replies:

brose: haha..we promoting gay-ism in Red Cross..haha..
esther: ok la..my tagboard got prob..haha...u're innocent little "mad" girl...ok?..lol..
wen: old chang kee nice mah..no mehz?..update liao la..lol..

SYF FAD

2006-06-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

ok ok..i know i have not been blogging for awhile..yes yes..i know people wants to read..so here am i blogging..but won't be blogging much today..
i just came home from SYF FAD 2 hrs ago..feel so tired..but much we had much fun..

oh yes..i swear i didn't use that thing to see mei mei..i was seriously watching out for casulties..
haha..so funny la..all think i chikopei go watch mei mei at grand stand..can't even see their face how to watch...ops..haha..

i really swear i didn't use that to see girls (trying to emphasize that i'm innocent). hahaha..

today's SYF was busy..kept calling out to tell them which UG was down..first run was the worst..but was better in the second run..

went back HQ..did some fun stuff with the marching cont. people.

had dinner..hear alot of things..but i shan't elaborate..

Ambrose with his pencil and eraser theory..hahaha..not to foget sharpeners..haha..

Met Jianfu on the way back in the train..

went home..very tired..

well..this ends what i did today...if you wanna know more..come and ask me..haha...

@@Graduation Day@@

2006-06-21T20:46:00.000+08:00

yay..i'm officially outta NYP..
ok..nothing much for from that i would cry for or hope for..
that school totally...scandalous..school of scandals..lol..

ok..i'm being laughed at for being a shy boy by many..haha..nvm..haha..it's nothing bad being shy..haha..
My outfit today looks like a disaster. I wore a pink shirt with stripes and a yellow pokydot tie!?!..
aiya..the combination sucks..i feel so wierd wearing it..haha..
feel so shy when i go up on stage..haha..but i manage to walk there shake the person's hand, take the cert and go..haha..after that go back to my sit..haha..after awhile..ITS OVER!!..haha..
went to take some pictures with friends..mingle around..

after some realisation..i found out that my class isn't so united afterall.. i guess only minority of us goes around and mingle with others takes pictures, etc...the rest is with their own clique..felt so divided..sigh..nvm..

while going off..this guy who makes a bronze plate or something replica of the cert..i kept insisting "No, Thanks"...and my dad was.."Ok, lets go get it."..Then i again said, "No need." The guy answered back rudely say, "Your parents want ma." Got so pissed by his rude behaviour. But never mind..shan't blame him..he's making a living anyway.

Ok...went home...jogged..came home..now here blogging...shall blog more when i have time..

=D

mondAy bLues...

2006-06-19T21:40:00.000+08:00

monday..a start of a new week..boring..as usual..rot at home..rotting like hell..quick..i need a date!!..ahaha..*refering to some people*..

=P

two more days to my graduation to get my diploma..i'm so excited..yet so worried..
i'm excited because i get to see my poly friends again..but i'm worried coz i rarely get on stage to recieve prize or award or certificate..i worried i'll make stupid stuff and feel embaress..argh..
i'm such a shy boy!!..*sulk*

i feel not prepared for the graduation..my pants seems like it shrank somehow. Either the pants shrank and became shorter or i grew taller. ahaha..shrughx man..i think i will look idiot when i go for graduation. i don't look nice in long sleeve shirt and pants..argh!!..regretting now for replying to NYP that i going for graduation..nvm..i shall try to act as if i'm still looking good..hehe..

ok ok..i blog liaoz..yiwen wants to read..but yiwen better tag more often..if not i'll stop blogging..haha...=P

ok ok..blog tmr..tataz...

HSA

2006-06-18T12:54:00.000+08:00

ok ok..i think i shall update before it becomes staled..hehe..if u're happy about my updates..tag my board!!..if u're unhappy about my updates..tag my board to express ur unhappiness..i shall entertain u if i have the time..haha..

ok ok..been working at HSA for 3 weeks already..that explains why i didn't update for long..if u're wondering what's HSA..it means Health Sciences Authority..if you still do not know what is that..den i shall have no comments..

anyway..past 3 weeks was hell..waking up early to go to work..and going home late clocking hours..argh..and also catching up of data entry into the new program..it sux la..a slow sucky program..and not to forget..full of problems and errors..but nevertheless...i still love the people who worked with me and the people there..very nice people..sometimes gossips and scandals are always looming around..*whistles*..

k..today and tomorrow are my rest days..and i'm here..nursing myself back to health..

I'm a SICK BABY!!!..

=[

after eating too much fried fishes..made myself too heaty..*kAboom*..fever + sore thorat + body aches + giddiness...argh..hate this feeling!!...moreover..my stomach is adding fuel to fire from doing too many push ups the day before..argh..

shall go and rest more now..bye..shall update more often..hehe..

=]

blogging again...

2006-05-27T02:23:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered that the person you love actually does not love you from the beginning..
Have you ever wondered the friends that are close to you actually are putting a false front..
Have you ever wondered..

i've been thinking on and off for past few weeks..trying to self-reflected at myself..
what have i been doing for the past few years of my life..
i have regretted alot..
i lost many friends that i was once close..
i lost a love which i didn't cherished..

i felt an urge sometimes to go to some corner to cry out loud..
but..
i can't..

sometimes..i feel jealous of many people..
jealous of them when they have their best buddies to pour their hearts out to...
jealous of couples that are so loving..

i had those before..
but those relationship and friendship does not last long..

many tried to understand me..but failed..
probably because i'm alone for too long..
i tried to let many people understand me..know me..
but i guess i have been too long a loner..
probably i've lost the feeling of having to pour out to friends..
probably i've lost the feeling of loving somone..
probably i'm just a lost sheep..trying to find a way back to the herd..

maybe i'm just thinking too much...

fruitful week?..i think..

2006-04-14T02:27:00.000+08:00

ok ok..i shall blog..b4 it goes rotten..hehe..
this week was quite a fruitful week i think..mondy went with Alvin to celebrate Kaiying's and Cheng Hong's belated and early burfday @ Swensens..got to sabo these two..ermm..ladies?..(can't call them kids anymore)..hehe..yah..everyone in the rest. was like looking @ us..and i think seriously..our table is the most messiest..with chilli pepper, cheese and all sort of spices "spray" onto the table..yah..poor attendant..have to clean up our mess..ok..after that..home time..while driving..Miss Phua was trying to irritate me by puling down the armrest..so in the end..Miss Phua was the last person to be dropped off..so hilarious la..bullying her in the car..haha..ops..=x..

Wednesday..went to Zheng fa live seafood @ Marina Bay with RC peepz..we had 2 tables..one the halal table and the non-halal one..everyone was craving for the pork la..keep coming to eat the pork..haha..brose kept on slaughtering the prawns..but i ate most of it..haha..had quite alot of fun and laughter during the cooking session..oh yah..one thing..P2 SERIOUSLY don't know how to cook!!..haha..jin de liaoz chu fang..chu bu liao tian tang...(can go into the kitchan..but canot come out of heaven) ..haha..imagine P2 cooks her stuff..almost all her food cooked is chao ta..haha..so hilarious..den everyone kept on buying drinks..den later play abit of datona..den go home..fetch Josh, Max and brose..those guys..i was driving at 90km/hr..max unwind the window and shout WHITE MAGIC..and alot of farni stuff..we also went to Marina Bay Jetty there..wanted to shout si bangalas at the bangalas..haha..was so farni la..that u can't stop laffing..then went to see Ah Kua at Changi Village b4 heading home..

today..went to CHIJ(TP) for unit visit ALONE!...ok..no one wanna pei me..talked to the YO..she's a very nice lady and quite friendly as well..then talk to the sec 4s...shan't comment on the blog..hehe..yup..went home..tired..haha..

nowadays sleep so late..duno what to do..aimless liaoz..hehe..i wanna quickly go in army and get out of there..if not, i ORD later..hehe..hmm..have been thinking alot nowadays..i've been thinking whether should i go for it or should i not..but i'm not at least 100% confident myself..i don't know whether it will turn out well..i want to try..but i'm afraid..i'm afraid..but i want to try..sigh..i don't know whether i can make the decision..to go for it or not to go for it...in a dilemma..sianz..ok la..blog liaoz..shall blog again soon..i hope..

bee dae

2006-03-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

Ok, finally blog, don't know why so many people interested in my life, i shall blog for the sake of them..haha..

yesterday had a busy but great time.thanks to everyone who came

They are :-

Max

Josh

Alvin

David

Wilson

Cheekeong

Ambrose

Huda

Joycelyn

Amdis

Ian

Nelson

Sooguan

Qisheng

Jeffery

Joel

Mingzhen

Cheryl

Shuling

Elame

Cell gdotter

and many more from my family members..

if i have miss anyone out..i'm sorry..can't remember so much in a seh state..lol..

yah..for those who don't know what is going on yet, i had my 21st b'day yesterday. although my b'day is on 23rd decided to hold in yesterday..yea..anyway..drank 2 cups full of beer..and i almost knock out..darn..and i was smeared with..err..kiwi?..haha..(Alvin..ur kiwi still at my hse btw..lol) ya..was busy the whole day..fetching people here and there..rushing here and there..sianz..thanks guys for ur prezzie also..although i don't know i'll wear it or not..but yah..hahaha..

alritez..nothing much to do these past few days..been slacking so much..haha..i'm growing fatter..help!!..lol..kk..i shall go exercise more often..yup..

next week..GY's promotion..finally my kids are grown up..gonna pass out soon..still remember when i came into GY..they look so kiddy..now grown up to become leaders..so proud of them..and myself..haha..=D..anyway..many things happened during the past few weeks..i think we should work in a cohesive manner..although i agree that everyone has different views..but some views may be good..some views may be bad..we should eliminate those bad views and focus on the good one..heh..

anyway..lastly..thank everyone for coming..really appreciate it..=]

LaTesT UpDaTe!

2006-03-04T23:02:00.000+08:00

ok..if i don't blog now, my blog will got stale and no one will want to read it.
I shall update..hehe..since i'm so bored..
well..the past few weeks..have been busy preparing my presentations and also doing my work..hope that i can get at least a B for that module..*prays*
yesterday had prata with my secondary school friends near my house..
they were suaning each other..like always..haha..yeah..its been quite long since i see them suaning each other so much..haha..was so hilarious la..talked abit about our FYP..if you all don't know is called Final Year Project..yeah..crapped alot..until 1 am..then some of them wanted to go play majjong at Nelson's hse..but in the end they came to my house play...err..."silent" majjong..haha..yah..was silent alritez..den i was too tired i went to sleep..hehe..sorry guys..

next morning..woke up by Quiyu's call..the kids are already at Bendemeer Sec..well..for those who don't know why they are there..today is footdrill competition..yah..then i didn't go..
coz i went out..another thing is my appearance would not make much of a difference in their standard and may cause negative side effects instead..but whichever the case..i know you kids did ur best..i'm always proud of you all..whichever the results..is the experience that counts..not the results..i know some of them are really upset beacuse u all put in alot of effort..i hope this will push you all to do much better in the near future..yeah..

heh..well..next week is my last week in GIS..time flies..it has already been 5 months since i'm in GIS..well..it has already been almost 2 years..................................

i got to realise that i don't know how a girl really feel..
i don't know what they really want..
i can't even understand girls..
i have so many things to say..
i just can't say it out..
i feel so remorseful..
i really want to say this..
i only can dream to say..
i'm really sorry..to you..
i know that sorry will not be enough to make up for what i have done..
i know that by saying sorry..
i won't be able to get you back..
i seek to apologize to you in person..
i want to say..
i'm truely sorry..

Here Without You
A hundred days make me older
Since the last time i saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And i don't think i can look at this the same

All the miles that seperate
Disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you, baby
But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, baby,
But you're still with me in my dream
And tonight, there's only you and me...

The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But i hope that it gets better as we go

I think about you baby
And i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, baby,
But you're still with me in my dream
And tonight, there's only you and me...

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me..

SeCond paRt.....

2006-01-24T16:49:00.000+08:00

When i was in Primary One, I went to Saint Gabriel's Primary School at Lorong Chuan. It wasn't a great school, everyone is like me, attending their first day of formal education. Many cried for their parents. Many unfamiliar faces around you. Making you scared, contributing fear and thus making you want to cry. Well, i did not cry. I've learn to be independent without my parents around me when i was much younger. I was in that school for six years.

During this six years, i came to realised that i'm the shy, quiet type. I rarely mingle around with other students. I have limited number of friends. I'm alwasy teacher's "guai-kia". I still remember there was a time when i was Primary 3 or 4. My classmate was teaching some art & craft to my another classmate. Being curious me, i watched him do. After he finished doing, i wanted him teach me how to do it too, but he rather teach my friend than me. At that time, i felt so hurt. My classmate would rather not teach me and avoid me and teach my other classmate. At that time, i realise i need a friend. A best friend.

During the years in Primary school, i made alot of friends. But there are non that i can say truely are my best friends. Although i don't have any best friend, i still treat my friends friendly and nicely. I still remember one time that one of the big bullies in my class was bullied by another guy from secondary school. He came down to the Primary school just to beat him up. After the incident (he sat beside me btw), i talked to him and helped him. He improved his attitude towards me. I don't considered him as my best friend. Some of my classmates may despise him for his bad attitude, but i treat him like my other friends.

To be continued....

Past - Young

2006-01-05T08:48:00.000+08:00

Since young, i was taken care by 2 wonderful women, my paternal and maternal grandmas. My parents at that time was working and had no time to take care of me. So, alternatively, both my grandmas took care of me.

Although i can't remember much when i was young, i knew this 2 women were painstakingly took great care on me.

Perhapes that's why i have great respect for women, though not all women =].

Soon later, i got into Kindergarden.

I was so mischivious at that time that i even play pranked on teachers and classmates. Had alot of fun but was asked to stand outside for punishment in the end.

I still remembered that i was involve in a theft case. Everyone was looking for a missing 1o cent coin at that time, which unknowingly landed into my pocket.

I didn't know how it landed there and being malign as a thief isn't nice. After that, i think the mist cleared up somehow. But everyone looked at me in a different approach soon after.

At a glance, is the graduation of my kindergarden. Was to perform some dance with chairs.

First time doing such a show and in front of so many people.

On the actual day, was scared stiff when so many people crowded the hall.

Never in my life have i seen so many people infront of me and my guts was about to jump out at that time.

I performed what i did during rehearsals and it turned out fine.

Soon, i graduated from Kindergarden and head on to Primary school.

-To Be Continued-

!~DiStAnt FrieNd~!

2005-12-20T08:36:00.000+08:00

ok ok..laiNe is buGGing me to updAte..so i shaLL updAte!! wahaha..notHIng muCh haPpened..juSt woRk, eAt anD slEep..mY lifE is veRy boRing..hahA..even i'm borEd to teaRs..lol..anywAy..yesterDay haD soRt of a claSs gathEring..shaN't sAy the details as only like 1/3 of the class went..helD at lAu pA sa (old market)..fooD didn't taSte that great..but quite fun nevertheless..lol..ouR idea havE beeN stolen!!..haha..or leeched..lol..we actuaLLy did a marketing presentation on a new product called a gumMy candY..initially was anti-oxidant chewing gum, but later we changed it..after we finished thAt project, we had intention of further maRket out the producT..howeveR..now is bEEn useD as a projecT and tHEy arE usINg it to maRket oUt in NYP!!!..argH!!..i'm the co-founder of thAt product..i'm supposEd to eaRn somE too!!..argh!!..yah..sort of competiting with Singapore Poly..the hav chocolate..we havE gUmmy candY!..haha..shaLL see we the founders of the product can market out inTo the society..heh..

ok..jus recieved some pictures complimentary of Louise..

(Louise on left and Mayumi on right)

(pictures abit small so u may not see it clearly..hahaha..)

if you're wondering who is that girl beside Louise..that's Mayumi..from the name..i think most of you all can guess that she's a Japanese..ain't she pretty?..haha and she's only like 19 years old..haha..guyS out there..if yOu want her number or address..can get it from mE..haha..but BE WARNED..don't try anything funny..she's a married women..hahaha..

if any of you wondering how i knew her..she was my host and guest when i was in Kitago Exchanged Programme in Sec 3..haha..its been 5 years since i last saw her..and i'm glad and happy for her when she got married about 1-2 years ago.. hehe..shall go a point to go back there if i have the time..hehe..anyway..she has a one year old daughter and is 5 months pregnant (source by Louise)..and studying University..so she's a wonderful mom..haha..altough she can see this but shall wiSh her luCk and a haPPy days ahead..

kk..i shall stop..too long a blog..hahah..tataz...and tag!!..lol..

SM: huh?..love who?..lol..
laine: as you can see..i've updated..haha..
evacbronzecadet: haha..my details are above the tagboard?..haha..my pix are also above..=]

MonDay bLuEeeEee...~~~~

2005-12-05T08:52:00.000+08:00

ok..haven been blOgging for a loNg time..deleted my previOus poSt becOZ it was distuRbing and soMe irritatIng duMbo tAgging on my boArd sAying soMe nastY stuff..well..such people aren't woRth mY time critisizing oveR..i havE better things to do..=]

yeApz..a brAnd neW dAy..i'm gonnA meet my targEt soon..wahahaha..shall not sAy it ouT duE to peoplE may critisizE it..yeah..ok..shall talked abt last weekend..had accreditations for evac last saturday..noThing much with the accreditations..went homE..den slack ard doing nothing..yah..lol..mY saturdAy jus wasted liddat..suNday was also thE same..noThing much..went out wif family though..yeah..today..at work..is boring..another boring protocol to get on..heh..yup...oh btw..goOD luck to Alina and doggie..haha..can see u all are under alot of stress..lol..ok ok..workiNg time..tata

finaLLy!~..i'vE got IT!!!! hahahahaha...

2005-11-16T17:49:00.000+08:00

yeS yeS..i'vE finaLLy gOt my licensE!! wahaha..kaka..muahaha..foR thosE whO don't knoW what iS it..it iS my driving license..hehe..yeS..narroWly escapeD failing by 2 poinTs!! lol..got 18 poinTS..pheW..so closE..thE testeR was very lenient la..but alWAys blaCk facE..idiot!..haha..but i forgiVe him and forgEt..coz hE let me pAss!! lol..yeS..i thot i was gonna fail coz i know i did alot of wrong things..argh!..but nevetheless..hahaha..i still maDe it thRough..gottA thank God for youR blessinGs!! lol...anD eveRyonE..lol..yeS..i can drive dRive drive..lol..yAh..so haPPy..when the instructor tick pass..i was like smiling and smiling aLL the wAy..lol..i don't even carE i wAs late for work..haha..tOo happY liaoz..lol..kk..gotta go homE le..blOg another time..tata!!

~HomE hOme anD aWay~~~

2005-10-24T17:55:00.000+08:00

yAy..anothEr 5 miNutes...off woRk..haha..gOing hoMe neveR feLt so gOOd b4..haha..especiaLLy bEing in a bOring place doiNg bORing thIngs..haha..my supErvisor won't be here for 10 dAys..till next week..haha..sO i can coMe late and gO home eARly..bwahahaha...lol...eveRyone muSt be thINking what a slackEr am i!!!..haha..aiya..boRn to be liddAt..hoW can chanGE...leOpard nV chanGEs its spOtty!..heh..yUp..noThing muCh in my life..juS woRk and woRk..and wAtch aniMe..haha..yeAh..bOring life la..lol..siansaTion..lol..ok..GO HOME LIAOZ!!..lol...i'll blOg again whEn i havE time..haha..peoPle..taggeD my boaRd!!..it lookS so deaD..hehe..HomE hOme anD aWay...~~~~

yEt anOther week...22 weekS leFt!!

2005-10-11T09:07:00.000+08:00

yeAh..21 weEk and 4 dAys leFt..coUnting doWn!! haha..okie..now 9am in the mornINg..no one is in thE office..haha..so conTinue blOGging..lol..haish..my exAm reSults ouT..not bad la..but still not gooD enouGh..sigH..nvM..yeAhz..nowadAys i've been going homE earlY...coZ my supervisor not aroUNd.. lol..i thiNk if i contInue to do tHis.. i think the supeRvisor won't get to see uS liaoz..lol..basicallY..woKing at GIS was enjoYable yet borINg to kiLL you..haha..thAt's how borIng life science iS..repeaT and repeAt and repeaT the thIngs u do..till u boreD to teaRs..lol..so..thosE wAnna go in Life sciEnce..PLEASE DO CONSIDER IT CAREFULLY!!!..lol..

LinkamaniA in 32 DAYS TIME!!!..lol..and dRiving exAms..35 DAYS TIME!!!..sigh..so many importAnt thingS..argH...ok ok..i shaLL stOp..lol..if nt i'll blOG abt sAd stuff..lol..

tAta..

ThE tHiRd dAy...

2005-10-05T11:34:00.000+08:00

okie..i'm bloggIng eveRydAy coZ it is reaLLy reaLLy too borEd..haha..iT is suCh a hassle to waKe up so earLy in the morNing..argH..hate this kiNd of life..hehe..yah..gonna spend aNOther 22 weEks and 2 days wAking up earLy and go to work..and paid only for 3 mONths!!..now my ez-link caRd tOp up 10 bucKs twicE every weeK..haish..kIds ouT there usIng 45 cents..after O levels..unless u're going JC..u're gonna pay and pay..lol..hiAsh..i don't knoW what to blog..am supposed to read notes on genomics..but is so terribly long and difficult to understand that i lost all interest in it..hehe..k..i think i go liaoz..if nt supervisor see i die..lol..tata..

Genome Institute Of Singapore...

2005-10-04T09:07:00.000+08:00

okie..fiRst bLOg aftEr attachmenT..lol..yeAh..attaChed to GIS..nicE place..lol..buT hafta wAke up so earLy..*yaWn*..lol..worSt part wAs...or perhapes the best part..lol..i'm the torn among the roses..lol..if u know what i mean..lol..yah..first day of attachment..was quite boriNg..read articles..read read and more reading..sianz..hehe..always fall asleep..but luckily my supervisor was not around..hee..yah..blogging during attachment..this shows how boring is it..lol..especially doing dry lab work..argh..I WANNA DO WET LAB!!..haish..i thot i won't be doing anymore bioinformatics..hiash..anyway..i blog later if i can..lol..now go read article and do my stuff..lol..tata!!..

baCk oNLine..

2005-09-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

yeah..i'm finally baCk to blOGging..haha..anYone miss me!?..lol..yah..i think somEone out there will..haha..anyway..my blOg has been stagnant for awhile..so..if it hasn't been breeding mosquitoes..den is kinda wierd..haha..yuP..so those reading my blog out there..feel freE to tag tag tag tag..but dun flood..hahaha

exAms are OVER OVER OVER GONE DEAD DIED-ED PASSED AWAY MURDERED WADEVER!! lol..i'm so happY that i won't be muGging for exAms again..at least for now..haha..yeah..O level kidS out there and thosE taking final yeAr exams..mUg haRd..den PLAY HARD..hahaha...gOod luck tOo..lol..foR pOlY plpp...PARTY HARD! lol..

okAy..going crAnky..hehe..yeah..this blOg will still continue be the place where i blog, rant, scold, talk abt happy and unhappy stuff..hehe..yeah..like the same old blog..i got 1 unhappy stuFf..hais..

recently..i've got this feeling that something had happened to her..or something bad..i don't know why i've got this wierd feeling since i already moved on..but why am i having this funny feeling..i don't know..probably i have not really move on yet..sigh..i duno..i wanted to ask her..but..probably nothing much..so didn't ask her..sigh..am i not forgetting..i want to forget but i can't..i can feel like the torn on the rose..once pricked..it feels so hurt, painful and bleeding profusely..i don't want that feeling..i jus want a nEw verSion of knEe..yes..knEe is changing..yes..he is..but that feeling dragged him back to where he started..sigh..well..knEe won't think abT it anymore..movE on KnEE!!!!..

heh..okay la..i blog till here...blog again another day..tata..

P.S. Ms. Phua..if u see this..sorry for nT sms u thAt night..coZ i reaLLy very tired..hehe..sorry Ms. Phua..hehe..=]

~~~~~~aFteR a Long tIme.....

2005-06-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

iT's beEn a loNg time since i blOgged..i don't knoW what to bLog..i'm juS thInking too muCh..i don't whY sHe kePt appeAring iN my miNd..i trIed to foRget her but i can't..i aLways teLL myseLf that iT is over..yes..is ovEr..but i cAn't sEems to leT go..i kePt mysElf bUsy..but it doeSn't sEems to woRk..whY am i alwAys likE that..whAt can i dO to mAke myseLf forgEt you.. weLL..it iS makiNg me so miserable..siGh..

anYway..back to my lifE..sO muCh tHIngs to do..yes..NAPFA is COMING!!!..trAining veRy haRd noW for it..*jiAyou*..quite woRried abOut my 2.4km run..coZ i'm nT a lOng distance runNer..trYing to jOg, pUsh up, siT up..baCk to basic..hehe..mUs train paCks liaoz..nO more "uniteD naTions"..lol..muS splIt the nAtions inTo differenT parts..hehe..pAss few wEeks have beeN gOing hoMe latE..last weEk wEnt to HOugAng sEc cAmpfire..so farni..thE cAdets there..stArt of campfirE..cheeRing waS "dead"..but afteR that improvEd..coZ i wAs therE?..haha..trYing to bE BHB..dEn weNt suppeRing..reaChed hOme 1am..zz..dEn thuRsdAy wanTed to go foR the SDC cHalet..bUt tied up wiTh alOt of hw..so didn't gO..sorry peePz..i didn't gO..but still hafta pay..zzz..but i went oN fridAy..heh..reacheD home latE also..haik..sAturday and suNday didn't do much stuFf..jus plAy and surf net for my projects..oh yah..mY DrIving prActicaL test is on 15 NovemBer~~..haha..soRry peepZ for thosE whO wanna siT my caR..hafta waIt loNg loNg tiLL i paSs..hehe..k liaoz..i'll bLog again if i goT time..hehe..tAta everyone..

idiOts!..

2005-06-08T18:52:00.000+08:00

iT's beEn somE tiMe sincE i've blOggeD.yeAhz.coZ i'vE got soMethIng i'm nOt veRy haPPy abOut.thosE pLpP oUt theRe.if yOu arE reAding thiS.plS beAr in mInd thAt we onLy neeD yoUr contribuTions.we'rE nt asKing yOU to plAn iT.yah.peoPle tOOk tIme to plAn tHis 2 mOnths aGo.anD oUt of 80+ oF you.only a quAter are wiLLing.whAt thE heLL.iT haS onLy beeN 6 God DaMn mONths anD i'Ve goT plPP.nT inteResteD.nOt frEe.hEy.peoPle inFormeD yOU moNths ago anD you'rE sAying yoU're nOt frEe.wHO arE yOu trYing tO kId heRe.nOt inteResteD.weLL.i gueSs thosE sAid nOt interEsted doEsn't vaLue yOur friEndshIp afTer sO manY moNths.yOu aLL don't EVEN APPRECIATE peOple's eFfort iN oRganisiNg it.a bUnch of dAmn seLfish people i've sEen.iF yOu haVE reaLLy vaLiD rEasoNs foR nOt goIng.we'll undErstAnd.bUt.heAring nOT interEsted anD nOt frEe.reaLLy disAppOint mE veRy mUch.veRy mUch.iT shoWs tHAt 6 mOnths agO.yOu aLL didn't leArN a God damn tHinG.nVm.whOeveR is reaDing tHis pOst noW.yOu peoPle knOW who YOU are.i'm nOt gONna sAy muCh.i'm reaLLy disAppOInted.iN thoSe stUpid excusEs.dAmmit!..............

scHooL iS stArting!!!...

2005-05-29T19:00:00.000+08:00

well well..i'm bAck by unPopulAr demAnd?..lol..anYway..i shoUld blOg..if nt wiLL go stale..lol.. anYwaY..scHOol is staRting tmR..siAnsAtion..anOther semester of chIonginG..haha..havEn even gOt aLL mY noteS..hehe..shiok...11am start school..hahaha..slack in the morning..ain't that grEat..hahaha..eveRy mondAy is like thAt..so cool huh~..well..noThing muCh haPPened in my lifE..hehe..i've alreaDy stoPPed thinking of her..loOking forwArd.. hehe..well..at leaSt i'm another stEp towArds my neW year resoLution!!...hahaha..gOt my finaL theoRy resULts..and...vrooM my wAy to my license..so eaGer to driVe..lol..coZ can chIOng anywAy in S'pore..hahaha..okAy...neXt few wEeks i'm rathEr buSy..campfires and camps thAt i'm attendinG..hehe..anD chAlet + alOt of driVing leSsons..hehe..bEen wAsting my time..now shOuld buckLe up anD chiOnG!! lol..okay..noThing muCh in my life currentlY..hehe..jUS hope thAt my kidS will do weLL for ULP and aLso CAC..hehe..i knOW they'll do it dE..hehe..okAy..sigNing off..tata...

bLoG aGaiN....

2005-05-14T14:39:00.000+08:00

iT's beeN wEeks sIncE i bLoggeD.mAny thinG occUred.heh.tOO buSy wiF my lifE tOO.wiF uPcomIng orientatIOn anD stuFf.2 morE weeKs.bACk to sCh.dreAd it yEt wAnt it.mAybe iS a gOOd thing.weLL.pAst feW dAys becAme tHick-skiNned, goiNg to plAceS uninviteD.tHAt staRes that wAs bestowed uPon yoU, tHinKing whY arE u herE?.well.gOt soMeoNe inTo trOuble.not.more of an embaressment.dIdn't reaLLy tAlk muCh to tHat perSon.duno whY is iT so haRd to finD someonE wherE u cAn juS heaRd u coMplaiN anD whEn u foUnd thAt soMeone.pLpp staRt diStanCing awAy fRom yOu.it diDn't haPPen oncE.alOt of timeS.i wondEr hoW many peoPle reaLLy knOWs me.'ve beeN wiF 3 differeNt gals, yet in tHE enD iS juS an illuSion. firSt gal.didn't eveN lasted loNg.shE's juS plAying arOund.well.beIng a fooL for the firSt timE.weLL.diDn't boTher abOut it agAin.the sEcond gaL.well.was a desperaTE one.kindA anGRy wif her.scolded her coZ of her naive.but the naive one.is ME..sigh..third..nOt manY peopLe knowS abOut it.don't wiSh to talK abOut it eitheR.it iS an enDing whiCh i didn't reaLLy expect.well..so whAt's so greAt abT in tHesE r.shiP.well..never in mY life i ask oR evEn thiNk of a brEak uP.pLpp mAy thiNk it is faithfulness.well.i tHink i'm dAmn stupId in thiS kinD of tHIngs.i dUn undersTand gals. liKe whAt nu eR sAid.i thInk evEn if tHerE's anOther gal wHo coME intO my life.i mAy nT accEpt it.i'm eSpeciaLLy tirEd.eveRyone is.i'm eSpeciaLLy tirEd thINking of thinGs thAt i'm nOt supposEd to think.yeS.thiS is mE.i mAy be a crAzy at timEs, suAning plpp at timEs.well.i diDn't wAnt to dO that.iS jus thAt i'm lOOkiNg for soMEthing to tAke my probLems awAy.soMe peoPle hAte me coZ i sUaned tHEm or buLLy thEm.bUt the reaL fAct is juS finDing a wAy to relEase all thoSe strEss.i'm juS tirEd. tOO tirEd.......

HoLiDaYs.....BORED!!

2005-04-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

yEapz.foR thoSe wHo don't knOw, i'm enJoying mY boriNg hoLidAys.yAh.gOt thE urGE to gO oUt bUt weLL.gOing oUt coSt mE alOt of mOney.so i mIte as weLL stAy @ hoMe anD suRf the neT oR plAy soMe gaMes.tHat's hoW boRing mY liFe iS noW.yA.tHOse kiDs oUt theRe.gOOd lUCk foR uR exAms.muggeD haRd!.=] sO fAst.it hAs alReaDy bEEn aalReAdy a yeAr.i didn't wannA tAlk abOut it.but heaRing thE naMe oncE morE shOOk ouT alOt of queStions thAt i yeArn tO knOw.gueSs i'll nV knoW whAt'rE tHe answErs tO theSe queStions.everytIme i tHInk oF whY or whAt waS the reASon.i feLt that my lifE shOrtened aLOt.yes.i'm a hAppy maN.yeT unHappy @ thE sAme tiME.who cAn teLL me hoW am i feeLing noW.well.i alWayS feLt thAt mY name.mY fuLL namE is a cursE yEt a bleSSing.bLeSsing coZ i oncE knoW them.perhapEs thIS is my lifE.thAt God wAnted me to takE.nO onE iN this woRld woUld knoW hoW i feeL.yes.i undeRstAnd hoW peopLe feel.iF u feeL thAt tHe whOle worLD doeSn't caRe abOut yoU.therE'll be soMeone who caRe abOUt you.soMedAy, u'LL meeT that soMeone.well.as foR thE sAd me.iF the whoLe worLd doeSn't caRe abOut me.i'll juS bE in tHe lonEly corneR of the room.imAgining/dreAm abOut hAviNg onE.i wiSh i'll nv wAke up frOm that dreAm.coZ i don't dAre oR wAnt to fAce that harsh reAlitY...

HE.is.so.nonsense.

2005-04-20T02:28:00.000+08:00

it is already 2.30am in the mornIng.he is still not back hoMe yet. doesn't hE knoWs tHE fucking tIMe now?.dammit.u think iS nice goIng arOund pLaying soMe duMb asS hIde and sEek wiF u izzit.u're fucKing lettinG eveRyone woRry.NO CALLS.NO SMS.NO NOTHING FROM YOU.fucking get a life can you.u thiNk smOking is damn cool huh.u tHink hAnging oUT wiF thOSe fuckINg hooligants oN the strEEt anD trEAt tHem aS ur BroTher?.hEy.i'm yOUr reaL bRotheR foR Christ sAke.pleAsE.i beggIng you can.thInk oF otHErs.don't be so FuCking selFing anD tHInk of uR dAmn selF only.u thInk i'm juS actINg tOUgh and nOt worry abt u?.c'on u're alreadY olD enuff to thINk and differEntiate whAt is riGht and whAt is wroNg.can't u juS dAmmit do soMEthing whICh is rIGht for once?.u knOW u're fuCking heLL stUpiditY cAN makE eveRyone woRry u know that.pleAse let nOt anyThing hapPen to you.sIgh.FUCK..

finaLLy, it'S ovEr....

2005-04-17T20:07:00.000+08:00

bLog yeSterdAy.but it somEhow diSappeAred.nvm.k.tHursdAy.lAst papEr.wEnt foR RCY aWarD and pRomo cerEmonY.crAppeD wiF wEijiAn aLL thE wAy coZ oNLy 5 peOple in thAt tabLe.somethIng whICh mAdE mE veRy pissEd.shaLL not mention here.coz plpp r reaDing.anYWay.weNt home.miAo wAs laFfing aLL the wAy.so farni.heRe sYndrOme back agAin.hehe.anYway.coNgrAteS to aLL promOted.

frIday.wEnt doWn hQ to heLp oUt.den weNt for trAining.didn't do muCh there.after thAt.weNt home anD slePt abit earLy.tirEd frOm thursDay and fridAy's work.saturdAy & todAy.slAck @ homE.heh.boRing lifE.

i don't wiSh to tHInk abOut it aNymorE.nO poInt.iT is oveR.i knoW thAt it is poIntless.i don't knoW what i've doNe wroNg.i don't wiSh to knOW it anyMore.i liVe my oWn life nOW.i'm chAnging.yeS.i chAnGing more.i'm nOt gonna tHInk aboUt you anyMore.coZ itS usEless and pOintless to do sO.i've str8thened oUt my tHoughS.yah.i'm..i've..

weLL.tHAt's aLL for noW.lastlY.anYone stiLL neeD tuiTion?..hehe..=]

!?!?!?!?!?!

2005-04-07T16:31:00.000+08:00

LOOK HERE!!

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If yOu aRe lOOkiNg aT tHoSe woRdS noW.
pLeAsE lOOk iN it aNd coUnt tO 10.
jUs dO iT anD u'LL finD oUt veRy sOOn.
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PleAsE kNOw tHAt i'M jUs vEnTiNg aNgeR oN mY fiRsT exAms papEr.
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If YoU cAn't sEe anYthIng.lOOk foR anOtheR 10 sEcs.
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STOP WASTING YOUR TIME AND GO AND STUDY!!!

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thIs iS onLy meAnt foR thS hosT.tO stOp lOOking heRe anD stArt mUggiNg haRd.pleAse dO not be offEndEd bY thIS meSsagEs. =]
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KnEE iS dOwn!!..

2005-04-03T15:04:00.000+08:00

KnEE is officiaLLy doWn wiTh a slIght feveR and coUgh.so mucH to stuDy.siGh.so little tIme.*coUgh coUgh*.i feeL feveriSh.and it iS rAining.zzz.aDd oiL tO firE.sO sO siCk...

exAmsss....!!! mugGg!!!!...

2005-04-03T01:13:00.000+08:00

well.about 5 days or so left.12 days to freedom.but i dun look forward to either one.i duno.mayBe peRhapeS theSe past 2 yeaRs.alot has happEned.mY temPer haS beComE shOrteR dAy-bY-dAy.wheRe is the oLd kneE wHo usEd to be paTient.well.i duno.i've beeN trYing so haRd tO stAy @ homE aLL dAy.tO ruN aWay frOm this cruel worlD thaT i'vE creaTed a mess in iT.i feel lYk i've become lifeless person noW.wiTh a lifE of scHOol, eAt, sleeP anD stUdy.i've coMe to reAliseD that eveRy aCtion haS an effeCt.a devastatINg effeCt.wadeveR i do.noThing rIght coMes out of it.i'M juS wRong in eveRytHing i dO.peoPle chAnges.i duN blamE peopLe whO hAtes me or don'T lyk me.i'M jus tOO meddlesoMe in alOt of thiNgs.well.till todAy.i've neveR foRgavE myselF for aLL the thiNgs i've doNe.thoUgh peoPLe sAid thEy forgavE me.but theiR actions doesn't coincides with whAt thEy sAid.well.i dun blAme tHEm actuaLLy.tHe faUlt lieS in me.i guess it'll take years tO untIe thesE knoTs.sEems lYk i'vE goNe baCk into thAt pIt.well.dun intend to get baCk up anYmorE.i'm juS too tirEd.too tired...

"A broken mirror can be piece back together, but the scars remain."
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7 more days.....

2005-03-31T01:53:00.000+08:00

exactly 7 more days to exams.i've not even started mugging.sigh.i'm not sure if i've straighthened out my thoughs or not.i'm jus so hot-tempered nowadays.sorry dad and mum.don't know what got into me these few days.day after day, the tension is getting higher.everyone around me is somehow ignoring me.perhapes i'm jus too sensitive.everyone around me has someone to be with.well.as for me.my computer is someone that i can talk to now.sigh.that feeling is coming back.i'm not gonna faced it again.everyone is changing.yah.everyone do change.things are not as before.i'm the naive one thinking that things are the same.well.i'll continue to be in my lonesome world with that machine in front of me now.it is the only companion i have now.it is just me.alone.

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.2.0.+.3.

2005-03-26T01:24:00.000+08:00

i'm not being kpo.sigh.duno whether should i be angry or should i be sad.yes.i'm not a girl.i dun understand how girls feel.perhapes i'm jus too insensitive.maybe the words i use.jus too harsh on you.maybe it just hurt you.i duno.like i said.i dun understand how girls feel.i'm jus being too direct.straight-forward.well.that's what i've been for the past 20 years.r u changing?.duno if it is a good thing or a bad one.well.i still duno.i jus speculating.i'm not a girl.i dun understand how you feel.perhapes what i see is just the surface.i duno.sigh.i dun understand why am i saying i dun understand how girls feel.if guys don't know how girls feel.den why should people get married in the first place.i duno.i'm jus fustrated.perhapes those sentence should be directed at me.well.i duno.sigh.i really duno this place of dunos.not trying to accuse anyone or fault anyone.so please dun be offended to whichever girl that feels that she's offended.sigh.i'm jus being stupid...

rEpLieS...

2005-03-20T03:28:00.000+08:00

RePLiEs tO mY lOnnnnNNg taggEd:

AlIna > tHx kid. yA too!! sry foR thE veRy late rEplY!..=P
shying> ?..u're?..sorry..bad memories..heh..=P
wf> tHx wf..appreciatEd iT..u tAke cArE yeah!..oh..and..thx alSo for beIng arOund..cAn't tag ur boarD cOz thE COM has jAva scrIpt erroRs.. =P
SM> i'm tOO buSy to tAggeD la..u miSs me?..aww..hehe..my tAggiE is gOIng stAle whEn i'm nOt tagging..hehe..thx fOr the reminder..anD tHinkiNg of yOu eQuaLs tO haPPy stUff?..quite a bIg egO there huH?..hehe..=P
ver> thX vernisa..hoPefuLLy i coUld..thAt's onLy hopefULLy..=P
xy> yeAhz..yOu TooZ..=P
mizael> thX maN..u'rE soMeone thAt i cAn coUnt on in fuTure..=P
qiMMy> tHose smileS?..thosE smileS wiLL onLy appear when i've thoT it thuR i guess..=P
eLainE> yAh..mY voicE is "seXy" ain't it?..hehe..soRry kay?..didn't meanT to gIve ya a harD time..whAt's wrOng wiF gEttiNg tUitIon foR chEm?..Ms. Tan ain't the onLy expert in cheMistry ard in thE unit.. hehe..thX foR uR concErn..=P
wen> i duNo wheRe shOuld i stArt rePlyIng uR tag..so..in one sentence..thx foR the conceRn..anD tuItiOn is to eArn $$..=P

now is 3.30am in the morning..36 hours more to my mole gene test. 101.5 hours more to suBmissIOn of BiOinFo assiGnmenT anD 105 hoUrs to Immunology teSt. sigH..life iS so hectic..

"Fate Brought Us Together, But Affinity Kept Us Apart."
(nO coPyriGhts ritez?=P)

ADVERTISEMENT!!!

2005-03-17T19:07:00.000+08:00

Anyone Need a Tuition? Can Teach Science For P3 - P5 and Chemistry for Sec 3 and 4. Tag My Board To Find Out More. Hurry!!!!

Blog:
bEen veRy buSy thiS feW dAys and neXt feW weeKs.espEciaLLy neXt weeK.

18th
Bioprocess Practical (18th till 28th)
21st
Bioprocess Assignment Due
Medical Micro PPT Summary Due
Bioprocess Tutorial Due
Molecular Genetics Test
22nd
Alot of Lectures and homework.
23rd (No School)
Need to study!!
24th
Bioinfo Assignment Due
Immunology Test
Molecular Genetics Practical Due
25th
GOOD Friday!
28th
Medical Micro PPT summary
Bioprocess Tutorial
29th
Immunology practical report to do
30th onwards till 7 April
Study for exams!

siGh.i'm so buSy i gOt nO timE to bLOg noR tIme to tag. 'll be gOne for awhiLe. siGh. gueSs aLL my sad stUFf will be diverted for awhile. but..i'm still sad...sigh..

..that......

2005-03-14T21:30:00.000+08:00

crying throughout the night.feeling the torns piercing through me. memories that felt so wonderful.yet so painful.sigh..

*cRyIng iN the raiN*

......

2005-03-13T18:21:00.000+08:00

iS thErE anYone oUt theRe wHois wiLLinG to leNt mE yOur shoUlder to lEt me cRy oN? sigh.i douBt so.

*cRyinG uncOntrOllabLy*

cAmp!

2005-03-12T16:08:00.000+08:00

back from GYSS camp today.nothing much happened.except for a few minor hiccups here and there.sigh.now i know.it is not easy to forget.i feel so disappointed in myself.all that accumulated regrets.all that encouragement that i got.is gone.i don't know why.i don't wanna know why.those reading this perhapes are those who cares about me.but those reading this.thx for ur concern.as i said in previous blogs, i'm still living in the world of regrets.although deeply motivated by Patch Adams, that joy seems so far away.that feeling of despair haunt me everytime.but no one.no one is able to help me.i'm already out of that pit.but i've not yet stood up.perhapes i'll never stand up.coz i'm still unable to forget.many really sad sad things happened in my life that no one knows.yes i'm real sad.the joy in me is fading away.people who tagged my board.thankx for your concern.really appreciate it.i'm bleeding profusely that may need to be treated soon.wondering if i can be cured soon.that'll be an answer that i may not find out.i'm jus a nobody.a nobody that i'm.

1 more moNth...

2005-03-09T01:10:00.000+08:00

yes.one more month to exams.but i don't feel excited.
yes.exams are horrible days of all student's life.
yes.i flunk alot of my common test paper.but ain't gonna give up.
was slightly motivated by Patch Adams.if you have not heard who he was. watch the movie.and tell me how you feel.the lead was Robbie Williams.it is about this guy who wants to build this hospital for and give free medication to those who are in need.not only is he a medical doctor but also a clown.a clown spreading the meaning of joy.so, what's the meaning of joy?.being happy?.being loved?.well.joy is something that we can spread our happiness and our loved to everyone.regardless of whether you are of different race, religion, etc. saying so much, may i ask those reading, what's the most important thing that gives u joy and happiness?..well.i'm sure everyone do.why dwell on unhappy things when joy is right at your door step.people around the world are plaqued with illness and diseases.but have you ever lived happily in this world.when you die would you regret not being happy but being sad?.well.after watching his video.i realised that what he meant by joy.to watch people happy and you yourself can be happy.that's the spreading of joy to everyone.no neccessarily being a clown can only spread joy.there's other ways.showing care and concern to others, making others happy in many different ways.living in this world.we should be happy.studies shows that laughter is 5 times more effective in preventing diseases.imagine.being sad doesn't benefit you at all.making people smile and laught can benefit you mentally and physically as well.i've been through sad moments.yes i still miss her.i still loved her.but i try not to be sad coz of this matter.i'll still remember the days that we had together.i've thought thru and thru.even thought i'm unhappy, sad, but i want people around me to be happy.i know that i've been making alot of mistakes for the past few years.i'm trying to redeem myself.i always tell myself.i don't wish for people to hate me.but i wish i could make people happy.i know thinking of it won't do any good.i'm still run away.from this sad sad reality.but i'll try my best not to show it.i'll try my best to make everyone happy with my problems affecting anyone.i'll try......

siGh~......

2005-03-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

siGh.i don't lOOk too GooD.i feeL extreaMly irritateD aT myseLf.
i don't know wHy oR whAt am i stUdying foR. coMmon teSt reSults are oUt. it aiN't toO gooD for mE. i expeCted to gEt a betteR grAde for tHat moduLE. but sEems liKE iT is the worSt grAde. whY iS it likE this?. i stUdied so haRd and expeCt a betteR reSults. bUt nOthing iS showIng iN the coMmon teSt gradEs. whAt the fU*kiNg heLl is wroNg with mE?. whEn i sEe my gradEs. it is liKe halF the worlD haS faLLen uPon mE. iT turN ouT worSt den i expected and i ain't haPPy abOut iT. iT madE me wondEr no matteR how harD-workIng and tryIng to staY up latE juSt to coveR that few chapTers of noteS so as to do weLL for my teSt, it wiLL turN to nAught. seriOusly. my mOOd in doIng my hW iS neaRly deStoryeD. i don't hAve the coMpetitiVEness to do weLL. neiTher have i a wAy to dO weLL. wAs tryIng so haRd to do weLL. everyTimE i triEd to wORk haRd on it. i wAs gIvEn reSults tHat i least expected. siGh. been runnINg awAy from so manY problemS. noW the proBlemS i'm facing. i'm stiLL runNIng away. i can't face the reality anYMore. i'm too aShamed to face this world. i don't know hoW long can i last. i feel lyK a jeRk. no. i'm a jeRk. a juNk. peoPle only find mE wHen theRe's no onE to taLk to. i'm jUS beiNg a nobodY. i hAte thIS kind of life. i hAte my life. i hatE everythinG. i'm tirEd. reaLLy tirEd of everytHIng. whY can't i learn from mistakes. siGh. i neveR learn. soMeone please giVe me 2 tiGHt slaps or kick and punch me. let me bleed and die in the street. no onE cares abOut me. this feeling of others caring abOut me. is lost since the day i was born. i'm sad, i'm discourage, i'm a failure in life, i'm jus a nobody in anybody's life. pleAse. don't give me that extra care on me that you have. coz it jus a waste of it. give it to otherS who neEds it more tHan i do.

"All those moments will be lost in the rain, like tears in the rain." -Roy Batty: Blade Runner

LonG LonG TimE

2005-02-28T19:34:00.000+08:00

nOthiNg mUch haPPenEd iN my lifE foR theSe feW dAys.
juS stuDying foR coMmon teSt anD doIng proJectS and hOMeworKs.
tHat's mY lifE.mY stOry!.i feeL coMpletEly hOpeleSS in everYthiNg i dO. i chOsE thE paTh of regReTs. mY lifE sEeMs so meAniNgleSs. well. glaD the shE gOt gOod resUlts for her 'O' Level. foR otheRs. dun dispaIr. theRe's alWays a wAy. siGh. noT gonNa blOg foR a lOng tIMe. exAms arE neariNg in a mOnth time. coNtinuE to tAggeD my boaRd. btW. coNgrAtes IJTP, FairfielD, RgS, ScGs, CeDaR on gOing oNto finaLs! u maDe sOUth diSt. proUd! =] alSo, coNgrAteS to thosE whO did weLL in O levelS. =P

...iT's her...

2005-02-18T01:47:00.000+08:00

it has been almost one year.since then, i've been trying hard to find you, contact you.but my hopes were dashed.every time i try to find you, the expected outcome doesn't seems what i have hoped for. many times i have tried.and many time i have fail.perhapes you don't want to talk to me again.perhapes i am being such a nuisance that you can take it anymore.you dashed all my hopes.but i never ever blamed you.maybe i am just being one-sided.i am thinking of the impossible.that hope that i had for you.i have given it all up.cause there is nothing i can do to salvage.regrets.regretting about it.but it is too late for regrets.hopes.miricle happen to those who believe in God.i do believe in the teachings of God.however.i do not hope miricles to happen.i have faced the reality too much and too hard.it hit me like sinking into a bottomless pit which i could no longer have the strength to climb back up.but now.time.time heals everything.i wanted to know you only in my deep memories.now.God, you gave me a miricle.a miricle that i am hesitating to accept it. sending one sms.a reply is too much for me to bear.i could not study nor sleep well.thinking about that miricle that you gave me.now you gave me one more miricle.which i given much though about it.to give it up.which ever decision i made may or will lead to the path of regrets.i rather choose to regret now.than regret later.although it pained my heart.just like millions of dagger stabbing it continuously, i would rather choose to regret. that pain will never fade off from me.it will always pain my heart and my soul. although you do not get to see this post. but i would wish to say i'm sorry. sorry may seems to be the hardest word to say, but sorry is too often said by me. i'm sincerly sorry...

'luvu..........

BeLaTeD VaLeNtinEs' DaY!*********

2005-02-15T01:14:00.000+08:00

hEy peoPle.baCk from blOgging afTer sO lOng.heh.anYone miSs me?.i dOubt so.yUp.2 hoUrs aGo wAs VaLenTines' DaY.sO now wiSh eveRyone a haPPy beLated VaLenTineS' DaY anD hAPpy 7th dAy of ChiNesE neW year!.weLL.how i spend mY VaLenTineS' DaY.i speNd my ValentineS's dAy gOing to schOol and do mY laB rEpoRts tHE whOle dAy.yeAhz.whAt a boriNg life.well.no choicE.pOOr me.nO one wANts to dAte me.neIther do i wAnna dAte anYone.heh.well.mY aIm noW is tO comPlete my DiploMa couRse and quIckLy tAke mY Major Degree.finDing a girlfwen?.thAt's the last thINg in mY mind i think.weLL.foR thosE wHo lOveD soMeone bUt tHat perSon doeSn't lOve You.herE's a qUOte for yOu."LoVing soMeonE dOes nOt meAn yOu muSt havE hIm/heR, as loNg aS yOu lOve tHem iN yoUr hearT, it is betteR thaN havIng hIm/heR." yeAhz.weLL.this lOve applies to family loVe, friends love and juS lOve.She will live in my heart forever. Although it feels wierd without her, but i've to face the reality. I love her and i sincerly thank her for being with me so many years, taking care of me. I'll always remember you. I cry not because you left. I cry because i miss you.

"Yea though she walk through the Valley of the shadow of death, she will fear no evil; for Thou art with me."

^yeT anOther weeK^

2005-01-23T01:40:00.000+08:00

anOther wEEk is gone.iNto weEk 6 sOOn.5 morE weeKs tO coMmon teSt.10 morE weekS to exAms.well.tIme pAssEs veRy fast.sO fAst thAt oNe yeAr haS alreaDy goNe.wEnt tO ECP 2 dAys aGo fOr CK's gatHeriNg to hiS seRvInG thE naTion.eveRyone haD fUn.weLL.for mE.i wAs siTTing jus in fRont oF thAt bIg seA.seaRchINg foR perhapEs an answEr.anD alSo lOOkinG up tHE sky.sEeing sO maNi sTars.so bRigHt yeT so faR to gEt iT.mAny Men triEs to obtain tHat stAr bUt faiLed.weLL.siT doWn anD thInk in fRont of mOther nAture reaLLy heLps.realisEd thAt iF soMetHIng u doN't cherish iT now anD waIt tiLL soMethiNg hapPenEd, iT's kindA too latE.nO mattEr hoW haRd soMeonE trIes to fiNd baCk what hE/sHe looses.iT will coMe baCk tO yoU.i'vE loSt more tHan i gaiNed.weLL.enuff oF tHAt.did nOthing mUCh todAy except thAt wAtCh tHe GUNDAM Seed Animate finished.perhApes to sOme peoPle iT may be jUs an animate or a nice shoW.buT after reaLising thE true meaNing of that shOw.i understAnd thAt beSt frIends mAy becoME enemies bUt nO matTer whAt ciRcumstanceS.beSt friEnds are alwAys theRe to heLp yOu anD underStands yoU.....=]

NYP oPen hoUsE

2005-01-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

yUp.iTs tHe aNNuaL NYP oPen housE agAin.weLL, @ leAst thIS year t-shIrt is quIte nicE (okay la dun wannA dEgrAde my sChooL's rEpuTation aLthOUgh there'S no rEputation @ aLL.) anYway.duTy @ tHe audItoriUm oN weD afTernOOn anD sAt morning.nOt muCh tHings.jUs slAck aroUnd.yeahZ.thIs yeaR's NYP oPen housE doEsn't sEems so appEaLing.don't kNOw whY.hMM.mY neW yeaR reSolUtion iS gEttINg clOSeR to aChiEvIng iT.cAn't wAit.heh.yUp.thX wEn, wF, SM, lYcHEe anD aLL.knOw u'rE alwAys pLpp i cAn coUnt oN!.heh.anYwAy.shAn't bLog aBt sAd thIngs todAy.nO pOInt alSo.whY bOtheR.heh.nOw.woRk oN my neW yeaR reSoLuTions, SCL clUb, RCHN and mY scHOol woRk.thAt's tHE most iMpt tHings foR now.=]

shaLL bE buSy.so won't bLog ofTen.anyWay.wiSh aLL mAlaYs a hAppy haRi rAya hajI! =]

soMeThinG oN mY minD~

2005-01-15T02:15:00.000+08:00

siGh.did i do iT wrong or do iT riGHt.sigH.i'm nOt beinG myselF theSe few dAys.i don't know whY.i juS kePt on whining, cOmplainIng anD bEing undeciSivE.sO muCh woRk haS been piling uP anD iTs reaLLy veRy veRy strEssful for me.i don't know wHy am i keePing so calm yEt bEIng sO shOrt-tempered aLL these while.i losEs my tempeR veRy eAsiLy aLL these whilE.peRhapEs soMe pLpp mAy feeL veRy irritated aT me.i don't knOW what has haPPened.coNstaNT pressurE fRom scHOol and CCAs makEs mY life misErablE.i'm stArtIng tO doUbt abOut my coMmittments iN the fuTure.i don't knOW hoW lOng coUld i lAst.peOple arOund me.feel so trusted yet unreliable.siGh.RCHN.one bIg headache.i thInk i shOuldn't tAke thAt posiTion in tHe first pLace.i tHInk i shAll relinquish my poSition anD concentrAte on mY stuDies.sChOOlmaTEs.feeL lYk i'm jUs an extRa.sO mani hAppeninGs.iTs liKe a shAttereD glAss wiTh aLOt of frAgmentS droPPing.cAn't feeL tHat bOnding in iT anymore.GYSS.sO manY unhapPinesS.so undisipline.so mAny pRobLems unsoLveD.lifE.felT lyK iTs woRst thAt a scrEweD up life.i don't knoW whAt has haPPeneD to me.i'm wearIng tHousandS of maSk.jUs beIng a terrIble perSon to liVe on tHe plAnet.am i suCh a terribLE persoN?.i tHInk i'm.well.i'm juS a peRson.leFt alOne bY pLpp arOund me.wHen neeD heLp tHey coMe to u for help.but whEn they don't tHey don't gIve a dAmn to U.peRhapeS i shOuld chAnge my lifE and lifEstyLe.yeAh.i've alwAys wAnted a neW me.peRhapeS a neW KnEe wiLL appeaR.tHe olD kneE mAy vaniSh sOOn.peRhapeS beiNg the selFish anD biaseD me, i sHOuld tHink of otheR's feelIng rAther thAn my oWn.i shaLL nOT be the insAne and maD kneE anymore.nO more tHAt.i hAte my lifE.....

~Week4~

2005-01-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

SERIOUSLY, I NEED A BREAK!!!

well, its beeN tHe 4tH weeK oF the sEmester anD anOTher 12 more wEeks to exAms.anD i hAven stArteD stUdyIng yET!!sigh.bEEn bUsy wiTh homEwoRk hOmewoRk anD morE homewoRk.didn't hAve social liFe.mY sociAl lifE lYk comPletely wiPeD oUt siNce schooL startEd.nVm.@ leAst i'm doIng somE wORk in HQ and the uniT.anYway.nOt in tHE beSt of mooD foR the paSt few dAys.don't knoW wHy or whAt happeneD to mE.it iSn't liKe me.gueSs i do neeD soMeone.oHwellz.nVm.tHis feW weeKS is paCk wiTh expLosiVes of hOmewoRk anD oTher stUff.i'll liSt tHem belOw.

12 Jan:- Preparation for GYSS orientation / Driving lessons
13 Jan:- Settle some stuff in HQ
14 Jan:- GYSS Orientation
15 Jan:- YOSS
21 Jan:- Hari Raya
19,20,22 Jan:- NYP Open House
Somewhere end of Jan:- Talentime
2nd Feb:- SCL New Year Gathering

so fAr tHat's whAt i havE..imAgine moSt of the dAys i enD sChooL at 6pm anD inclUding these stuff, i'll mAke my wEek tUrn inTo heLL!. nVm.shaLL tAke a steP sEe a step.

"Oh, I shouldn’t care or wonder where and how you are. But I can’t hide this hurt inside my broken heart. I’m fighting back emotions that I’ve never fought before, ‘cause I’m not supposed to love you anymore."

Her

2005-01-08T23:30:00.000+08:00

I realised that my hatred just disappear. I just don't hate anyone anymore.
It hAs bEen a grEat neW yeaR fOr me. laSt yeaR wAs kinda nOt a gOod yeaR for me. tOO much tHings happened. just dun wish to talk about it anymore. afTer mOnths of keePinG mysElf bUSy. deVote mY time to somEthing elsE to imProve myselF. but wHy am i juSt feeling thAt i'm always losIng. paSsed by her place many times. i can't help it but to think of her. wEnt baCk to our thE places wE went. nO doubt mAny fond memories aPpeareD baCk. hoW i wisheD it wOuld lasT. bUt apparently it's impoSsiblE. mAni timEs i wondEr. hoW maNy peoPle knoWs me veRy weLL. hoW mani beSt fwEns i have. hoW mAni peoPle truLy cared aboUt me. well. perhapEs i've a lack of care and concern frOm my family and frienDs. 20 yeaRs of my life. i've nOne in the 3 queStions abOve. i knoW it. coZ itS me. i don't blAme anYone except myself. sEeing so muCh baD thinGs laSt year reaLLy makeS mE feel bEing sO aloNe in tHis coLd cold worlD. Her..i'll never forget about her. i'll always remembeR those timeS. for noW. i'll just remain in this cold cold world that i lived in. undisturbed. untroubled.

"Missing you isn't the hardest part, it's knowing that I once had you, pains me."

WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!

2004-12-28T19:57:00.000+08:00

Dear All,

In response to the Emergency Appeal that was launched by the International Federation of Red Cross & Red Crescent Societies (IFRC), the Singapore Red Cross is launching a public appeal to raise funds for the victims of the Bay of Bengal earthquake and tidal waves.

The earthquake that struck off Sumatra measured 9.0 on the Richter Scale in magnitude according to the US Geographical Survey, making it the world's biggest in 40 years. The current death toll had risen to over 27,000 according to Reuters.

MONETARY DONATIONS

The Singapore Red Cross is appealing for monetary donations to help these victims from the affected countries. The money collected will be sent to IFRC to fund purchases and direct delivery of emergency items like medicine and first aid, food parcels and other relief supplies for the displaced and homeless victims. Please note that due to logistical reasons, we would not be accepting donations in kind.

Cheques should be made payable to "Singapore Red Cross Society". Please write your name, contact number, address and "Tidal Waves Asia" on the back of the cheque. The cheques can be sent to:

Singapore Red Cross Society

Finance Division (Tidal Waves Asia)

Red Cross House

15 Penang Lane

Singapore 238486

For cash donations, kindly proceed personally to Finance Division on Level 2. We have extended our collection hours from 9am to 8pm from Monday to Friday, and 9am to 12.30pm on Saturday.

For further enquiries, please contact us at 6334 9152 / 6334 9154 / 6336 0269.

We look forward to your support and generous contribution to our appeal to help the victims of the Bay of Bengal earthquake and tidal waves!

*Please pass this on by email or copying and post it in your blog, your help and contributions will help the victims who suffered in the Asia's Tidal Wave alot. Thank You.

(BoXiNG dAy!)

2004-12-25T12:10:00.000+08:00

MeLLi krIsmAs tO eVeRyOnE!!..eVeRyoNe hAd a wOnderFuL krIsmaS riTez?..heh..tHankS pEishAn, lIndi mEi, soOguAn, nelSon, ChErYl, EugEne, fuLin, tAi nu eR, meIling, miNgzHen, ShAngyA, ShAobIng, steLLa, suQi, wenDy, lYchee, yOngchEng anD aLL thosE thAt i didn't mEntion..tHAnks foR the smS anD mEllI kriSmAs anD haPPy bOxinG dAY!! haha..alSo lyK to thANk shIn yun, alVin, kevin, chRistIna & chEryL foR thE kRisMAz cArdS!..heehee..tHankx gUys..

krISmaS wAs quIte okAy.slEpt alOt.haha.cAN't bLame.tOO tirEd la. anYway, wEnt tO mY unclE's housE.tAlkeD tO my coUsins anD eAt eAT anD EAT..haha..aftEr thAt slEep slEep and SLEEP.*soUnd lYk pEeGed* haha.okAy.afTEr EATing and SLEEPing,wEnt hoME to wATch TV.hehe.nOt mUch progrAmme.latEr in the nIGht.wAs too borEd untiL wEnt to pLay pOOl.haha.nOt baD excepT thAt i alWAys cAn't sEEms tO hIT thE baLL inTo tHE hOle.gueSs too pAjiao liaoz.haha.while goIng homE.paSt bY heR bLock.i alWays woNder whY i haD a feeLing of rEgrEts iN me whEneveR i pAss bY heR blOck.nvm.i doN't knoW why alSo.guEss tHAt theRe'S a littlE tIny iTcy bItsy paRt of mE "bu sHE de".bUt timE wiLL tell! hehe..okAy.enuFf oF the err rEgrEtful part.toDay's bOxing dAy.i doN't knoW wHy iS it caLLeD boxing dAy.izziT to box sOmone?.haha.duNo.wHo wanna leT me bOx?..hehe..okAy..v. tirEd.no oNE dAte mE out.so sAd.shaLL gO baCk inTo mY projeCts.hEhe.5 proJectS.tHe fiRst deAdliNe is iN 3 wEeks time.
chIong ah!!!!!!!!....

anOther BorinG dAy~

2004-12-18T20:22:00.000+08:00

wAh..sO boring aH! i gOOna bOred to teArs le.
sChool stArtiNg in 2 dAys timE.so sAd.so shOrt thE hoLidAys.
haik.todAy nO one accOMpaNY me go oUt.sAd sAd.nO wAn wAnna pei me.=<
hIaz.nOthing to bLog aBOut mY lifE.jUS pLainLy roTing @ hoMe wIth mE mYseLf anD my coMpuTer.aRgh!..

tAi nu Er> mISh mY tAi nu eR tOoz..=]
Sm> eh.whAt u refering huh?.

bEEn tHinKing agAin....

2004-12-17T01:45:00.000+08:00

doNe this todAy.shOuld reaLLy giVe it soMe tHoughts abOut it.
---
iMagiNe tHAt tHere wAs an oUtbrEak of a Hepetitis B virus in yoUR school/workplace.yOu arE quranTineD in your scHOOl/woRkpLace anD nowheRe to go.yOu coUld onLy sTAy iN tHE cAmpuS/woRkplacE wiTh yOur frienDs.yOu anD yoUr fwEns has conTracteD the viruS.imAgine thAt soMe oF yoUr fWens mAy be futUre lAwyers, nUrse, soldier, pOliceman, journalist, Prime Minister, etc. from different cultures and relIgiOn from aLL parTs of the wOrld.aLL of yoU arE giVen onLy 3 pills bY the goveRnment.bUT one proBlem is tHAt yOu cAn onLy fuLLy recoVer whEn yOu coNsumed 10 piLLs. whO wiLL yOu give it to and why?

Assuming that soMe tOOk the pills anD yOu didn't.there iS a hanDphoNe avAilable to yOu.but thiS hAndpHone cAn onLY mAke oNe caLL.wHO wiLL you caLL tO? and what would you sAy to him/her/them?
---
weLL.whAt wouLd yoUr decision bE? whO would yoU call?.moSt peoPle wiLL call their lOved ones.why? becauSe tHey arE the oNe tHat yOu lOveD, chEriShed anD coNcerned aBout.whAt woUld yOu teLL them whEn u caLLed thEm? juS thiNk abOUt iT.you're alreaDy gonna die.whAt woUld you sAy to thEm? tHE moraL of this pOst is tHAt wHy wAit tiLL whEn yOu gONna diE and thEn yOu cheRisheD it? isn't it tOo latE? iT apPlieS iN reLatIoNshiP as weLL. won't iT be tOO latE iF tHe feeling iS noT thEre anYmore anD yOu triEd to saLvagE it?. chErish eveRy tIme yoU have rEgardleSs whether iS it yOur parEnts, girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, brother/sister, etc. teLL thEm hoW muCh yOu lOve them.shoW thEm hoW muCh yOU love thEm. don't wAit tiLL whEn soMetHing hapPens anD you cherishEd it.yOU neveR knOW whAt is gOing to happen tOmorrow. tHink abOut it.iT doeSn't tAke mUch of yoUr tiMe.iTs alWays gOOd to do reflectIOn.dO tHink abOUt it....

jus wondering aimlessly....

2004-12-15T21:30:00.000+08:00

well.been tHinKing foR the pAst few dAys aftEr camP.
nO.noT tHinkIng abOUt girLs.neiTher abOut gUys.but juS abOut mysElf.
whAt hAve i reaLLy done tHiS yeAr?.well.pLan a caMp.stUdieD.mAke morE friEnds.pLAy.aLL theSe good tHings tHAt briGhthEneD uP mY dAy.but whErE theRe's gOod tHinGS, theRe's alWayS baD thinGs.i loSt my fWens truSt.i loSt heR.i loSt mY grAndma.i loSt morE thAn i gAinEd.dEfinAtely thIs yeAr ain't a gOOd yeAr foR me.i mAy soUnd cheeRy.nice.cRaZy.jOkeR.bUt iF anYonE wHo undErsTands mE wiLL knOW.well.nIneteen yeARs oF mY lifE.sEems lyK nO onE truLy undeRstAnds mE.eveRyone arOund mE sEems to alSo pUt on a maSk.mAybe perhapEs i'm thInking toO muCh.sO muCh tHIngs has haPPeneD thIS yeAr.peRhApes i stiLL can't gEt oveR heR dEAth.siGh.whEn i knoW heR.i tHougH thAt mY lifE woUld chAnge coMpleteLy.bUT didn't exPect iT to bE suCh a reSult in tHe enD.well.i'm nOt tryIng to bE pessimiStic here.i'm juSt wondeRinG whAt hAve i truEly achieved thIs yeAr.sigh.sorrY to thoSe oUt there wHo reaLLy carEs abOUt me.i don't knoW what has gOtten oveR me.mAyBe i remember somEone.thAt i miSS.tHat i carEd.tHat i adorE.tHat i lOved.mAybe itS tiMe to rEturn thE stuFF baCk.nO pOInt kEEping thEm.siGh.i'm sAd.bUt who cAn i go to?.sigh....

i'm siCk!!!

2004-12-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

finaLLy.afteR 5 dAys of cAmp.i'm finaLLy sIck.yeAh.noT tHAt i'm proUd of it buT well.i knoW i'll be siCk afTEr cAmp.heh.anYway.my tiMetabLE reaLLy sux.onlY wedneSday enDs @ 12nn.argH reSt is early eveniNg.hAte it man.fridAy got 3 houRs breaK.don't knoW what to do.argh.well.gYSs and bWss.yUp.can't jOin u aLl for trAining on friDay le.schOOl more impt.yUp.buT u kidS arE grEAt.mAdE me so prouD.tHank yA.anyWay.elaiNe.u sAy u wanna get 20+ cAdetS one ah.u betteR make surE u do it ah!.haha.nOt threatheninG u bUt giVe u thE drive to gEt morE cAdetS.hehe.okAy.tmR go doWn cAmpsitE duno do what tHingy.siGh.i forEsee anOther aiming at me.nVm.anYWay.gOtta go.bLog anOther dAy.byE.

~nOt iN thE mOOd~

2004-12-10T18:15:00.000+08:00

weLL.nOt in thE moOd.afTer SDC i tHInk goNna gEt sColdingS le.afTer eveRyone wAs dismiSseD.weNt baCk hoMe tO do sOMe stUFf b4 i rEst.rEst foR lyk 2 houRs.mIZael caLLed mE sAy cAmpsiTe wAsn't pRopeRly clEaneD up.dEn i caLLed JoSe.kAnnA stReSs bY her.dEN i rEAlisEd thAt i leFt mY waLLet anD cAmerA @ cAmpsiTE.siGh.wEnt baCk to cAmpsiTE.mOk told mE abT tHe cleAruP.shoUld tHAnk pOhhuAt & mOk.thEy clEareD it up.siGh.thiS whOle cAmp.iS suCh a....nahz.don't wanna say.kIds reaDing in thIs blOg.wAs alwAys strEssed up eveRydAY.frOm stArtIng of cAmp to enDing of cAmp.nOt thAt i did anYthing wRong.buT i'M alWayS bLameD foR soMethIng whEn soMEthinG happens.thE whoLe cAmP.eveRyonE may tHink iT iS a successfUl cAmp wheRe eveRyone haD fun.buT i tHInk likewisE.wE haD aLOt of proBlems.siGh.i thInk no soOner.wE'll bE getTing scolDing soon fRom Angie.weLL.i mitE as weLL takE thE blaMe sO aS nOt to implicAte anYone elsE.siGh.i seriOusly gonNa give uP mY bEing in cOmmiTTee.juS beIng a smaLL frY iS gooD enuFF for me.i'm piSsed.but i'm pIssed in silence.siGH

piCtuReS

2004-12-09T22:11:00.000+08:00

SoUtH DiStRicT CaMp 2004

2004-12-09T19:35:00.000+08:00

yUpz.i'M baCk fRom sDc.weLL.thE cAdEt haD a woNderfUl timE i gueSs duRIng thE cAmp.wAs talKing to aZrIn.heh.he'S sAd thAt thE cAmp endEd.=].weLL.tHis mAy bE the laSt eveNt thAt i'll bE heLping oUt.afTer thAt shoUld reaLLy concEntrAte oN mY stuDieS.iTs geTTing bAd sincE stArtINg of scHOol.anD is proVeN thAt leSs ReD CrOss wiLL gIve u morE betTer rEsUltS.weLL, mAybe cAn heLp oUt as miNor rolEs in eventS.heh.iTs alWays tHE beSt nOt plAnning iT.heh.aNywAy.duRing thIs cAmp.tHE cAdEt leArnt alot fRom tHE scoLdingS wE giVe.aS aZrIn sAid.SoUth diStriCt cAmp iS a cAmp fiLLed wiTh tEamwoRk, maDneSs, fun, sAdneSs, lOve, loSs, abrAsIOn.hEh.iT sums uP aLL aBouT sDc.coMparEd to lAst yeaR's SDC.bOth yeArs SDC arE equaLLy goOd.weLL.i'll taLk abOUt the cAmp latEr.shaLL gO do soME other stUFf.bLOg latEr.

rEplYing tO uR diSaPPoiNtmenT

2004-12-05T02:30:00.000+08:00

jUs rEplYing whAt u bLog abOut..gueSs i've to clArify soMe tHIngs b4 maTters gEt woRst. I understand what u're trying to sAy to mE. Firstly, i want to sAy thAt i'm nOt lOOking doWn on yoU. yOu arE a iNteLLigent kid anD of coZ i'm proud anD haPPy of whAt u're achIeved foR yourseLF. I'm tHankfuL that you tOOk ur tiMe to cOme foR the crAsh coUrse for tHe upcoMing accReditAtions. I kNOw u're trYing to provE thAt u're a betteR perSon tHAt eveRyone elsE arOund yOu. nO oNE expEcteD yOU to faiL..i don't expect yOu aLL to faiL..i can sAy i'm nOt a gOod instRuctor to yOu all. bUt i mysElf trY my veRy beSt to mAke u aLL elIte amONg the elites.

u assUmed tHaT shE's the focuS duRing sEc 1..buT diD u realisEd thAt u're morE of thE focuS rAther thAn shE is?..u're riGht..shE ain't anY betteR..coZ of her attitudE..shE coULd be the fuTure chAirperSon IF she do heR beSt in eveRythiNg anD doesn't havE attitudE proBlems..and u actuaLLy tOOk HIS worDs for real?..yoU knoW hE's a scum of the society..iF he's tHat grEat..dEn whY he ain't the chAirperSon of thE uniT?..u all arE juSt fIghTing for powEr!!!..ain't i righT?..she mAy be better thAn u duriNg sEc 1 but didn't u catch up duriNg sEc 2?..tHOse whO weNt foR NDP of coZ cAme baCk to thE uniT beINg betteR in foOtdriLL..but havE u thouGh abOUt it?..u also makE urselF betteR whEn u participatEd in ULP ritez?.. u tHInk no one realised ur iMprovement..no..u're totally wroNg..u knOW hoW mUch thosE ULP instructorS tolD me abOUt ur improVemenT?..i knOW abOUt it..buT i kePt quiet..nOT tHAt i don't wANt to recognizE ur improvemeNt..buT from experience..whEn i teLL u abOut ur improvEment u mAy be tOO proUd of urself and thAt may lead yOU to yoUr failure.. i knoW u didn't wAnt to be in tHAt position..i knOW is harD to be in tHAt posiTIon..i tRy to gEt you oUt of that posiTion coZ u aLL arEn't reaDy to facE thAt chAllenge yet..bUt Ms. Tan insisteD..whAt cAn i do?..Time tells a person whether hoW goOD is he/she..pLpp mAy sAy shE's the future chAir..buT look..noW who do you tHInk is gonnA be?..

i admit..yes..i'm being the selfish one..human nature...i'm not giving excuses here..i knoW it's difficuLt for u aLL to learn FD in such a short tiMe..buT i alwAys tRy tO heLp in wAdever wAys i can do tO helP u..u tHink i don't understAnd hoW difficuLt it is?..i went thru it b4 kay..i'm even worried thAt u may even break doWn and crY coZ u didn't do well..i trY to giVe manY advices on hoW to do a better drill and stUFf so tHAt u all can improVe..you sAid u're an idiot trying to heLp the uniT..so doeS tHAt makE me a bIgger idiot?..you tHInk i comE down eveRy sAturdAy juS to wAtch u aLL and dEn go home?..do you tHInk i nV do anYthing aNd wATch tHe uniT juSt diE tHere and still don't do anYthing?..u did contribute to the uniT..lOOk..i didn't sAy u did not..hAve i nOt triEd to resoLved tHE matteR between bOth groUps?..i'm noT disaPPointed coZ u all didn't do well as well as i expected..i knoW thAt thE niGHt b4 u aLL triEd to memorise aLL tHAt what i've taught u all..i don't hoLd hiGh expectations from u all..i knoW u all ain't from gooD schools..but i knoW u all triEd ur best..is gooD enuff..i lied about being abit disappointed so as to see how u all react to failures..iS more like a test to sEe how u all react and u took it aS i'm being a mean person..sigh..u have misunderstood all the tHIngs thAt i'm trying to do..well..hAppy or not..u did pass with ur own effort..if u say u hate me..den..i've nothing to sAy le..u can ignored everything i sAy abOve as rubbish..i've did so much for the unit yet my effort was even degraded with a 'i hate you'..sigh..do what u all deem fit..i've already did what i can to achieve an award for the unit.. now, from what u have said..i felt as if i've bEen accusEd of doIng wrong to the unit..well..after 2 years of struggling..i've though of continuing till u all merged..but i gueSs my original decision mAy be a better decision..soRry Max..i'm being selfish here..although i'm one of the last remaning South VI left..but guess i ain't a good VI..i'm toO tired to hanDle such stuff..sigh...

cArryinG oN________

2004-12-04T01:53:00.000+08:00

juSt reAd nu eR's blOg..reaLise what her troUble was..
nu eR..don't be troUbled bY the matteR..alThoUght i don't fuLLy underStooD whAt haS happEned..buT tAke cArE kay..=]
well..eveRyone is beiNg troUble by alOt of stuff..tHese pasS few weekS, i'vE bEEen veRy buSy..i felt likE i've rAn awaY as fAr away as possiBle..but noW..when i stOpped and rEst..i regretted my actionS..my neglience towArds heR..i've failed..failed beIng responsiblE..i've always totally failed whEn it comE to relationships..i'm deStineD to be a lOner..LonEr foreveR!..
weLL.. till todAy..i still remember..remember the times we had..i'll always rEmembeR it in my heArt..i knoW she'll neveR get to reaD this..but i'm sorry..truly sorry to u..sigh..i'm tireD..really tirEd..in thE enDing of the chinese series "The Challenge".. theRe's onE paRt..
"Once that feeling is gone, no matter how hard you try to find it, it will never come back."
i've gave up finding for that feeling..i'm exhausted & tired..
i'm jus a failure..
a loner...

siCk~*

2004-11-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

yUp.itS been daYs sincE my bLog been updatEd.gUess iTs groWing moUlds i gueSs.okAy.shAll stArt frOm sAturdAy ba.wOke up eArLy thAt day coZ gOt cAdet's cAmp briefiNg @ camPSite.i don't knoW wHY i wAke up sO earLy.gueSs is tO settLe sOme stuff i didn't seTTle yet.okAy. wAited, doIng stuFf..den foRgot thE time.dEn "shiT".i wAs dAmn freAking latE.qIAolIng didn't knOW how to go.sHE tooK a cAb to Kembangan dEn i alSo tOOk a cAb anD feTch her from KembaNgan.okAy. sHe so pooR thing alOne.bUt anYway.reAched there on tHe doT doT doT!!..oKAy..i rEfusEd to sAy tHAt i'm late.haha.dEn theRe wAS a little iNtroduction anD folloWed by paCk list and alVin's briefing..i wAs hanDling thosE cAdets who didn't hAve a grp.iT was quITe meSSy.buT afteR that aLL was well.it lasted for abOut 2 houRs.oMg.wE suPPosEd to finiSh by 3pm.but wAddahell.gueSs everyOne liKes theIr grp(i hoPE).anyWay afteR thAt did AbseilinG.hAhA.wAs so fArni whEn hUda and chEekYboI did thAt.aLL had stOmach cRAmps.thAt goeS for mE too.haha.dEn pAckEd up anD sLAck aroUnd cAmpsiTe.afTer thAt foLLow law siR's ambulance and wanTed to wEnt hoMe @ firSt but wEnt to fEtch tHE OA plpp baCk to cAmpsiTE instEAd.i teLL u..tHAt amBulAnce trIp.wiTh weiJiAn.u'll stOp laffing.haha.okAy reaChed home juS in tiMe foR my Cousin's b'dae.eveRyone wAs shoCked thAt i tOOk an amBulance bAck hoMe.tHEy tHOt soMething hAppeneD..anYWay..slePt early coZ neXt dAy gOt SQ recce..

foR SQ recce..i shAn't sAy muCh here..coZ itS a competition anD cadEts arE reAding mY blog..whAt i cAn sAy is..tiring..veRy tiring..haha..gOod lUck kidS..

yeSterdAy haD FD accred..weLL..i tHink that soMe plpp cAme uNpreparEd..anD soMe were fuLL of confidence..heLp oUt in markIng as weLL as tabulating..rEsults arE asTounding.hehe.cAN't sAy rEsults oUt here eitheR.coZ kidS arE wAtching..

okAy..todAy..wAs siCk..duNO whY haD slIght feveR..guesS overworkeD myself bA..hehe..okAy kidS..6 morE DAYS!!!! hahaha..hAve fuN..=]

~NdP GaTherinG~

2004-11-13T20:23:00.000+08:00

*yAwn*..jUS woKe uP..sO tirEd..aNywAy..yeSterdAy morning weNt doWn to HQ to settLe soMe SDC stUff..finaLLy settleD soME stUff..afTer tHAt wEnt doWn to AljunieD to geT Law sir's i/c tO tAke tHE keY for thE chAlet..aftEr tHat kiDs stArts pOuring in..abOut 20++ plpp bA.. altHOugh noT manY cAdetS cAme bUt i gueSs thEy hAd an enJoyablE tIme ba..pRogrAmme foR thAt niTE?...wAtch Singapore idoL + ThE chAllenGe..haha..Daphne wAs out...*aww*...hAhA...yUp afteR thE shoWs..tHEy aLL weNT baCK hoMe..haha..tHose whO stAyeD oveR..wE hAD one heLLuva fuN..haha..wE drAnk lotsA wAter + grEen teA..haha..anD weNT toIleT for 8-9 times..haha..bOth of my GY kidS wHo stAyed haD lotsA fun..haha..afTer that 3am wE went to dRive aroUnd..wEnt soMe Ulu pArt of chAngi anD alSo sEntoSa..haha..tHose who didn't sTAy oveR..i thiNk u can't imagiNe hoW much fun we had..haha..tHis NDP gaThering..wAs bOth pissEd as weLL as gLAd..i tHInk i shOuld sAy thAt don't gIve excuses iF didn't wAnt to comE @ the laSt miN..u knoW it iS kiNd of irrespoNsible to do that?..havIng to lasT min to soUrce for foOd aNd pay extra?..wHAt kind oF peoPle arE u aLL?..sO dAmn irrespoNsible..2 hourS beforE tHe BBQ sAy u're noT comIng anD expEct ME to mAgicaLLy make thE food appear?..siGh..evEn if u don't have moNey, u can alwAys teLL me abOut it..sigh..nEver minD i shAn't sAy it anYmorE..qi si rEn le..bUt anyWay..haD fun tiMe iN the chAlet..hehe..thOse who wEnt doWn tHankx for tHe contriBUtion oF foOD..hOpe u havE fun~..tHose whO haD valId reAsons..yUp..its oKie thaT u all didn't coMe..maybe next time?..if there's a neXT time..=>

Reply tO tAg:
candy> its okIE..=>
bear> hAhA..i didn't buLLy u mah..juS pinch ur chEek niA..heez.. so spOngy..ehehehe..
SM> no marChe..haha..broKe..nOt goinG doWn to Cres on Sat..
kristal> didn't see bOth of u leh..=>

finaLLy afteR a long dAy....

2004-11-09T22:16:00.000+08:00

yUp..baCk froM exAms..soRry pLpp for nOt updAting..
gueSs i'vE bEen too bUsy wiTh exAms and rEd crOss..heh..
hMm..well lets taLk abOUt my exAms..i tHink i paSsed most of my
moduLes exCept oNe..siGh..noT confident abT my reSults..ohwell..
heCk abT exAms..iTs oveR anywAy..haha..afteR exams haD chAlet with the pOly fwens..hAhA..iTs hilariouS and fun..hehe..shAn't elAborAte in herE..iF u wAnna knOW can ask mE..
neXt thiNg to woRry abOut is SOuTh DistRict cAmp..yUp..iTs a 3 dAys and 3 niGhts camp filled wiTh..err..fun stUff..kInda liKe feAr factOr rEd crOss stYle..haha..anYway..thosE cAdetS whO arE goINg to SDC..iTs 5-8 cadets peR school, camp fees of 10 bucks, aNd briefing will be toLd at a lateR dAy...yUp..iT wiLL be onE helluva 3 days and nights of fun..hehe..i thInk..soMe plpp maY thInk likewiSe..yUp..
tMr..anOtheR dAy of sLoggINg for ReD crOss..haha..shouldn't be tHAt difficuLt..hehe..well..dUNo whAT to bLog..jUS cRAppIng..gOtta go..byE byE..

Tag Replies:
Beanapper > hAhA..i nOt buLLy lA..mE suAner..buLLy onlY buLLy u..haha...
SM > hIAyoz..i didn't sAy i wanna torture u..tsk tsk..haha..and for thE lAst timE..i nV sAy i trEAt u marche..haha...=P

I wiLL bE missinG heR alWays.....

2004-10-13T19:04:00.000+08:00

shE haD left.aFter dAys of prAyers anD stuFF.shE wAs burIed todAy..iF u don't know whO wAs she, well..sHe wAs mY maternaL grAndmoTHer..i feeling moodless now..i don't know whetheR to cRy out loud or jUS holD back my tearS.till now, i still can't accept tHat shE haD passeD aWay..it wAs onLy oN fridAy thAt i viSited heR. shE wAs so haPPy thAt shE's leAving thE hospitaL anD now shE's goNe. iT wAs reaLLy too suddEn for mE to takE this. whEn i gOt baCk uP fRom thAt pIt. anOther sEtbaCk cAuse me to faLL back in.i'm reaLLy tirEd to cliMb bacK.evEn todAy i haD my teSt.i can't evEn concenTrate.memOrieS of heR keep appeAring in my miNd.siGh.i'm reaLLy gonna miss heR.i'm really sAd.too sAd.iF anYone msg mE but i did't rEplY ur mSg,its noT thAt i'm iGnoRing u.but iS becAusE i'm stiLL takEn abacK by heR deaTh..i need time to recover...
grandma, rest in peace..i'll alWays miss u..

"...when we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings." -Sogyal Rinpoche-

Gone......like thE winD....

2004-10-09T08:13:00.000+08:00

iTs onLy yeSterdAy tHat i sAw heR.
afTer onE nigHt she's goNe.
like the wind.
i'm gonNa miSs her.
reaLLy miss her.
very sAd.
really sad.

"God saw you getting tired, and a cure was not to be, so He put His arms around you, and whispered "come with me," with tearful eyes we watched you suffer and saw you fade away, although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay, so when we saw you sleeping, so peaceful from your pain, we could not wish you back to suffer that way again, a golden heart stopped beating, your hard working hands were at rest, God broke our hearts to prove - He only takes the best"

i'm totaLLy exhaUsted...

2004-10-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

oH weLL..iTs 1.21am in the morninG.borEd notHIng to do.so jUS bloG.
heeZ.wEnt to scHOol 7.30am(friday) in ThE moRning coZ prac lessonS startS aT 8am.tHe prAc leSsons wAs boriNg and confuSing as well.tHe lecturer prActicaLLy teLLing uS the answEr for exAms questiOns. buT don't quIte understAnding it though.sigH.how am i goIng to start mUgging.neXt tHursdAy is ABC practicaL teSt.don't knoW how am i gOIng to survIve that.oh weLLs.aftEr prac.mEet Dr Limzy.shE treAted uS KiTkAt chOcolatE.hahA.tempteD to takE more but oNe must not be greeDy.heh.afteR thAt straight 5 houRs lecturEs.sHrughx man.kepT on doZing off during the lecture.heeZ.oH yeah.leArnt soMething neW.whAt doeS orchid mean in ur hUman bOdy?.so farni.S'pore's natIOnaL flowEr is relatEd to the humAn boDy.whEn u gOt the answer.anD u get thE jokE.u'll surE laff ur head off.hehe.aftEr that wEnt hoMe coZ dAteless.heh.reaLised i'm totaLLy exhausTed.coPing wiTh schOOl work, rEd crOss, SCL clUb and now RCHN.i totaLLy left her ouT.sigH.i wAnt her baCk.but dO i have the chancE??.i believE in eveRytHIng i could believed in.well.its alwAys negatiVe resuLts.perhapes i'm tOO tiRed.onE last tRy...that onlY try...who knoWs it mAy be soMething woRth doiNg..buT it mAy alSo be soMething thAt i'll regrEt for life.i've already done the 10 greatest mistakes oF my lifE.i've livEd in regret.i've hopE God will givE me his stRength tO drAg me out oF this regrEt.if not.this regret.is the hardest regrEt in my life.

"If a second chance was given, i would take that second chance."

....inhUmanE!...but loOks coOL!

2004-09-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

tODay.wEnt to scHOol aRound 11am.wEnt to chEck mY ind. micro resUlts.discoVered AMAZING stuff.tHe fooD we bougHt from oUr scHOol canteen iS infesTed wiTh bacteria.imAgine seeing baCteria grOwth in ur agar pLate anD iTs from ur scHool canTeen.bUt lUcky iTs jus soMe donUt or kwAy froM the malay staLL.heh.lect was boriNg.veRy borINg.don't knOW what am i doIng alSo.no drive to stUDy.after tHat.iTs ceLL tech prac.waS supposEd to be on friDay buT broUGht forwArd coZ tHE praC may taKE long.todAy's experiment.soMe people mAy thInk itS inhuMane.disguSting.incorrigiBle.pUking.sAdistic.siCk.uNeticaL.cruel.but wiThout thesE experIment.will humAns eveR get curEd from illneSs and siCknes?.heh.taLk too muCh.well.tODay's expErimenT was dissectIng...........................................................
thE micE.i'll spAre u the procedurE of hoW it wAs "murdered".buT if u wAnna know u cAn alwAys aSk me.i cAn alwAys teLL u.hEHez.weLL.i'm gonnA poSt soMe picturEs beloW later for viewing.if u cAn't take iT. pleAse do closE the window.heez.should be R(A).geEz.dunO how i surviveD thAt by loOking at iT for 4 hrS.haha.anYway.wEnt hoMe around 7.30.wAs so tirEd.hah.waTCh NYP's schOOl belles.hEez.thE G1 girl quiTe preTTy.haha.buT i knoW therE's more betteR looking onE than heR.hee.thE guYs liKe so macho.but i old liaoz..fat le! hahaha...okAy..shaLL not talK much.shaLL gIve u the picturEs.

WARNING:Due To The Gross Contents, The Pictures Have Been Removed..

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Final Chapter / Chapter 14

2004-09-21T01:00:00.000+08:00
Chapter Fifteen - And they lived happily ever after?

I did not hear from Xiaofen for the next few weeks. Perhaps this was the end of the road for the both of us. Frankly speaking, I had not expected much when Xiaofen contacted me again during BMT. I mean, my life was cursed wasn't it? How was it possible that I would have a happy ending? I just knew that whatever little time I had with Xiaofen, I had to cherish.

Well, the girl of my life was "gone" from my life just like that, she came and left in a flash, leaving beautiful and painful memories in my heart. Sometimes, it's not just about the ending, but it's the process and journey throughout which is more memorable and important. Thus, it doesn't really matter whether she stayed with me till the end…

After BMT, I was posted to armor camp. During the 4th week into training, my commander asked me whether I wanted to be attached to Brunei on a one-year training exercise. I agreed. I felt that I have nothing to look forward to in Singapore anymore, maybe going to Brunei can ease those painful memories.

The months leading up to the departure, I just trained very hard, hoping that things would change for the better when I reached Brunei. On the other hand, I was also quite reluctant to leave cos of my family and friends, but this was a decision I had already made… Like what Arnold always says, "I will be back."

One week before flying off to Brunei, I took out all the letters and photos Xiaofen had given me and read them over and over again. I think I cried so much that I used up one box of tissue. Hey, who says guys don't cry? We have emotions too you know?

I decided to send one farewell letter to Xiaofen, wishing her all the best with her boyfriend. This was her choice and I just hoped that she would be happy with whomever she was with…

*****

I was at Changi Airport at 9.00am. My Ah-ma and the gang were there to see me off. We went to a café and chatted for a while.

"Hey, must remember to write back okay?" Kancheong said.

"Yah loh, don't forget us when you become a Brunei prince." Yamseng joked.

"No, of course I will remember all of you. Losers forever mah." I laughed.

We stayed for a while before it was time for me to leave. Said one last goodbye before I left for the departure hall.

Just as I was about to enter the gate, I heard a familiar voice calling out to my name.

I turned around to see who it was.

It was Xiaofen.

I didn't know what overcame me but I just ran towards her. I was afraid that she would just disappear when I reach her, just like in my dreams.

"Xiaofen." I said.

She smiled at me and handed me a letter.

"For you." She said.

I looked at the purple envelope in my hands, the familiar heavenly scent…

"All the best Xiaoxin." Xiaofen continued.

I didn't know what to say but could just mutter a thank-you. We talked for a few more minutes before I had to book in. She said goodbye to me and wished me all the best again…

My plane departed for Brunei at around 11.30am. I took out the letter Xiaofen gave me and read it...

...Xiaoxin, I'm sorry for all the painful memories I caused you during the past few months. I thought about the both of us during these times…the happy moments we shared together. Thanks for the birthday cake, it was the best birthday I ever had and you know it was the first time I celebrated it with a guy.

Xiaoxin, I have broken up with my boyfriend. I just felt that we were drifting apart. We have too many differences and so little in common. Yes, he makes me laugh and I enjoy being with him, but when I'm with you, I feel so special…you doing all the little things to make me happy…your care for me… I'm sorry I did not appreciate you better.

I was a bit surprised when you told me that you were going to Brunei for one year. I don't know what made you decide to go, I hope that it's not because of me...

Xiaoxin, hope we can keep in contact like the old times, maybe we can exchange letters every week again. :o)

Don't forget me Xiaoxin. Will be waiting for you to come back.

Lots of love
Xiaofen.

Tears flowed freely from my eyes the moment I finished reading the letter. For the first time, it was tears of joy instead of sadness. I couldn't wait anymore; I just wanted this one year to pass quickly so that I can come back and see Xiaofen again.

"Wait for me Xiaofen. When I come back, I'll marry you. I'll make you the luckiest and happiest woman in the world, I promised. Wait for me dear..."

~~**A Romantic Story~~**Part 14

2004-09-20T16:49:00.000+08:00
Chapter Fourteen - She's gone

I did not wanted to hear what Xiaofen was about to tell me. It must be something bad! I so wanted to just run away at that point and not know the reason why she said sorry to me. But I knew that I had to know the truth.

"Xiaoxin, I'm still going out with my boyfriend." Xiaofen confessed.

I stared at her, the feeling of disappointment overwhelmed me.

"Why Xiaofen? Are you making use of me again?" I asked.

"No!! It's not like that…it's just that…I also like you…"

I did not know whether to cry or laugh when I heard her say those words.

She also liked me?

"What?" I mumbled.

"I'm confused Xiaoxin. My boyfriend treats me well and he's so nice to me…but you are also very good to me and when I'm with you… I feel so happy."

So what do you mean Xiaofen? You want the both of us? You just cannot do that you know?" I told her.

"I don't know what to do Xiaoxin." She started to cry.

I looked at my sweetheart in front of me. It pained me to see her feeling so upset. But…this was just too unfair to me.

"Xiaofen, you have to make a decision. It's either me or him."

She gazed at me, her eyes red from crying.

"Xiaoxin? I…"

It was at this moment that I grabbed her hands. I had no idea what gave me the courage, maybe it was that tense moment. She did not take her hands away, just looked at me with those big doleful eyes.

"Xiaofen, I love you."

That moment was simply magical. It was as if time had came to a standstill for both of us. For a while, it was as if Xiaofen and me were the only two people in the world. I will never forget that moment for as long as I live.

Xiaofen did not say anything. I was also not expecting any answer from her. Hell, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I was just an actor in HIS directed movie to which even I myself have no clue how it will turn out. Will I finally have a happy ending?

We hardly spoke after that. Just finished our drinks and then I sent her home. Xiaofen said goodbye to me as she entered the train and I thought to myself, would this be the last time I ever see her?

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 13

2004-09-19T02:04:00.000+08:00
Chapter Thirteen - The beginning of the end

All good times had to come to an end and soon we had to part. After giving her the birthday present, she said she was going to meet her parents for dinner. It was also about time for me to prepare to book in already. Thus, we had to end our day.

We separated at the Bus Interchange, where we took different buses home. What happened next might seemed like something that you only see in movies, but nobody told me that it happens in real life too…

Soon after Xiaofen boarded her bus, my bus also came. Ironically, both of our buses will take the same path to the main road. I was sitting in my bus when the traffic light turned red.

As I turned to my right, her bus came and stopped beside mine! I saw her inside the bus! I waved and shouted, but obviously she couldn't hear me. I could not believe that, although the distance between us was just a few meters, she just couldn't see me. The green light came and our buses went left and right respectively. I was stunned and lost for words. After that, I just had this gut feeling that maybe she and I were not meant to be. I really hoped that I was wrong…

Ever since the last meeting with Xiaofen, I never have much time to contact her anymore. My field camp came the following week and it was hell for me ever since. Training became tougher as I drew near the end of my BMT. It was only until one month later before I contacted her again...

That time was one week before my Passing out Parade, also known as POP. When I asked whether she would be coming to see me again, the answer I got was disappointing. She said she would not be coming. I was so upset. Fortunately, my grandma did came..

BMT was over in a flash. Two months had passed by and it really left some great memories in my life. The blood, sweat and tears that I got during these two months were something money couldn't buy. It was physically and mentally very tough for me, but the love, care and concern showed from my loved ones got me through.

Besides Xiaofen, my grandma is the only woman morally behind me throughout these two months. She prayed everyday just for the safety of me. Her love for me is something no one in this world can ever give. I just want to say, "Thank you, Ah ma. I love you."

Back to topic. I contacted Xiaofen again during my block leave. It had been close to 2 months since we last me. I wanted to see her, so I asked her out. She agreed and we decided to meet at Takashimaya, that place where we first met.

That Saturday afternoon, I was there early and I went to shop around. I saw this cute hello-kitty key chain and decided to buy it for Xiaofen. The salesgirl asked me whether I was buying it for my girlfriend. I just smiled at her. How I wished I was.

I went back to the meeting place after that and Xiaofen was there already. She had tied her hair up in a ponytail and she really looked beautiful.

"Xiaofen." I called out to her.

She turned around and she seemed unhappy.

"Hey, this is for you." I handed her the key chain.

She took one look at it and then asked, "Why you buy me this?"

"Nothing lah, just think it was cute." I replied.

"Thanks Xiaoxin." She smiled for the first time.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked her.

"Anywhere lah." Xiaofen replied.

We walked around Orchard road but barely spoke. I could sense that Xiaofen was troubled by something. She seemed as though she had something to tell me.

Eventually, we decided to stop by Burger King to have something to drink. I ordered us 2 cups of lemon tea.

"Are you alright Xiaofen? You looked troubled." I asked concernedly.

Xiaofen looked at me with those bright eyes, then she said, "I'm sorry Xiaoxin. I've something to tell you."

Not again?!

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 12

2004-09-18T23:57:00.000+08:00
Chapter Twelve - Xiaofen's birthday

Soon, it was my first bookout. It was the first time I'm going back to the island of Singapore after three weeks in Tekong. Coming back to the city was surely a great feeling. It meant that I could go to Orchard and see gals again. Ha. But deep down inside me, there was only one gal I wanted to meet. She was Xiaofen.

Xiaofen's birthday was in a few weeks time and I decided to ask her out on that day to celebrate it with her. I needed no time to find a birthday present because I had bought a necklace a few months ago. I never had the chance to give it to her last time, so I decided to give it on her birthday.

Weeks passed by and her birthday was just within a week. I went out with the guys the day before to buy a birthday cake. I even requested to write her name on the cake! Everything was prepared and ready. I just had to wait for her to say yes and meet me.

The answer she gave me was short and simple. She agreed and we even decided to meet at Orchard! It could not have been a better place, cause I had to collect my cake there on the day itself. This was gonna be the first time I'm celebrating a birthday for her.

Today was going to be the most special day of my life. Because I'm gonna celebrate her birthday for her! Yeah! While I was in the MRT to Orchard, I received an SMS from her. For a moment, I thought she's not coming. But to my relief, she just messaged me to say that she had reached already. When I reached the place, I rushed to the meeting place.

I just cannot explain, but whenever I see her, I just have that unexplainable feeling inside me. I feel so happy just to see her. She looked really pretty that day. I could say that I was damn proud to be the man walking beside her.

We went to have Tim Sum buffet at Takashimaya. It was quite expensive, but it was worth every penny. Everything could be refilled and ordered again and I really had a great meal with her.

After that, we went shopping around Orchard. While shopping, I decided to give her a surprise by going to collect her birthday cake and give it to her! Thus, I told her to wait for me at the Aquarium

I ran all the way to Takashimaya to collect the cake. I was running like an idiot and I bet that the people who saw me must have thought that I was nuts. I couldn't care less. I just did not want her to wait so long for me, so I ran as fast as possible. I was also afraid she would leave before I reached there. She just didn't give me the confidence that she would wait for me. Maybe it was because of our past.

Fortunately for me, she was still standing there looking at the fishes when I came back from the cake shop. I showed her the cake and she was surprised. She then asked me, "Want to go Tampines? I wanna buy something there." I agreed and we left for Tampines.

We reached Tampines a while later and after shopping and buying all the stuffs, it was finally time to sit down and eat our birthday cake. We went to the Coffee Bean at Century Square. There, we sat down and have our birthday cake. While we were having our cake, I could not help noticing the number of eyes around us. Even couples, who sitting opposite us, were envious of us as they kept looking at us and smiling at us. I realized how lucky I was. How I wish time would freeze there forever, and I meant forever...

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 11

2004-09-17T18:15:00.000+08:00
Chapter Eleven - The day I met her again

"Recruits, do you want to see your parents today?" My sergeant shouted. "Yes Sergeant!" We all screamed like some teenage girls seeing their idol for the first time.

"Do you want to see your loved ones?" "Yes Sir!" We echoed, me shouting the loudest. Our morale and spirits were damn high that day, as the day we had been waiting for two weeks had finally arrived.

Today was Parents' Visiting Day, the day which ALL recruits had been waiting for ever since they came into this hellish place. Everyone just could not wait to see his loved ones. I was also one of them. Even though both my parents would not be coming, knowing that my Ah Ma would be coming is more than good enough.

At about noon, all the recruits in BMTC School 1 were gathered at the parade ground there. All of us were told to sit there and wait for their parents to come. As I turn around the place, I saw many anxious faces. I was also very excited and nervous as well. When the first batch of people came in, there were many cheers. Recruits jumped from their seats to join up with their parents below. Soon, more parents arrived and recruits were leaving one by one to join their loved ones.

I was getting panicky by the second, as I couldn't see any signs of my relatives. I looked around and realized that the place was almost empty already. Almost all recruits had left with their parents to have their meal already! Then Kan Cheong came to me and asked where were my parents. I was tongue-tied and I couldn't answer him. He pointed me to his parents and siblings. I felt envious of him. For a moment, I thought that no one is coming to see me. I felt so sad.

Seeing Kan Cheong walking away chatting with his parents, I felt so jealous. I felt like crying. I turned around and saw two of my platoon mates. They came to me and said, "See who's gonna be the Royal Rumble winner!" No! I don't want to win it! I thought to myself. I wanted to leave with my love ones.

Just when I thought all hopes were gone, I saw my uncle coming in. Upon seeing him, I felt like a heavy load was taken off me. I felt so relieved. And can you believe it, I had a total of seven visitors! I think I broke the record for the most number of visitors. No wonder they were late. But I thought, "Late is always better than never."

After meeting up with them, we went to the cookhouse to eat. My Grandma had brought so much food for me! While I was enjoying my food, I decided to message Xiaofen I asked her if she was in Tekong.

She said that she came and asked me where I was. We exchanged messages but as we were moving from place to place and it was hard for us to meet.

Time flew by in a flash and soon, all the visitors would be leaving in an hour plus. I still had not seen Xiaofen! I thought to myself. This could be my one and only chance to see her again for a long time to come, and I did not wanted to let this golden opportunity slip by. I decided to call her.

"Hello! Xiaofen. Wanna meet?" I asked.

"Where are you?" She answered.

"I'm at my bunk, fifth floor there." I replied.

"Me at fourth floor inside my brother's bunk." She said.

"Why don't we meet outside the fourth floor lift? Ok?" I asked.

"Ok. See you." She replied.

Upon ending the call, I took my Auntie's camera and rushed towards the stairs. When I saw her standing there smiling at me when I jumped down from the stairs, I was ecstatic. Words just cannot describe how I felt when I saw her during that time. Till today, I still can't forget that feeling. (It's like someone had gone to jail for many years and he saw his lover waiting at the gate for him when he came out. It was that feeling.)

She was still the same as before. Still pretty and slim. As for me, I changed a lot. She said that I looked much fitter and darker. Although my physical appearance had changed, my heart had never changed at all. Despite what happened in the past, I was ready to give us on more chance.

We chatted for a while and I left after taking some pictures with her.

Time was up and my grandma and relatives had to leave. I bided goodbye to them and ran back to my company line. I got scolded by my sergeant for bringing so many visitors. But I did not give a damn, I was just too happy!

Xiaofen sent me a SMS while she was leaving, "I go back liao. Must take care of yourself leh. Maybe can meet one day. Take care."

This might mean nothing to people with many female friends, but that message meant the world to me. It showed that she cared, at least a little bit, for me. She even asked to meet me some day. I decided. I want to meet her on her coming birthday. I want to celebrate it with her.

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 10

2004-09-16T00:06:00.000+08:00
Chapter Ten - She's coming!

We woke up early in the morning to have some Physical Training. Just in case you're wondering what time is early, it was at 6.00am. Yah, when most normal people were still in bed, we were dressed in singlets and shorts, doing push-ups and jumping jacks.

At breakfast, I talked to some of my platoon mates and realized that I was not the only one who couldn't sleep last night. Most of them couldn't sleep too! Thus, most of us were like zombies just doing what we were instructed to do.

As we couldn't bring our charger with us, our handphones were switched off most of the time. During the late morning, we were given some free time to go back to our bunks to do our own stuff. Making full use of my time, I quickly switched on my handphone to see if there were any messages for me. To my shock, I received a message that I never ever thought I would receive again in my life.

Yes, if you guessed it…it was her. Xiaofen.

"Sorry to bother you. I know you are training now. My brother also went in yesterday. He is in Foxtrot."

When I saw her SMS, nothing could describe my feelings. She remembered. I have told her that I was going to Tekong during that faithful Valentine's day. I didn't know whether I wanted to reply to her message or not. I thought for a few seconds and before I knew it, I was busy typing my reply. I was willing to give this friendship another chance.

She told me to work hard and do my best. I felt so happy. My tiredness all went away. Just when I need that extra motivation in me during that time, her words couldn't have come at a better time. I promised her to do my best. Deep inside me, I just hope she could promise me just one thing. Be behind me morally throughout these two months and don't ever desert me again.

After that, I was like a totally different person. When I came to Tekong, I was so down and despair. Now, I was like full of energy and motivated. Cause I had a promise to live up to. That was to do my absolute best.

*****

Training was getting tougher and tougher day by day, but my motivation was getting higher and higher as well. That was simply because Xiaofen and I were exchanging messages almost everyday, and regaining back our friendship was one of the best things that could have happened to me during that time. When I saw my platoon mates chatting with their girlfriends through the phones, I did not feel jealous or envious at all. Why? Because I had Xiaofen to chat with.

A week had gone by without me realizing it. Next week would be Parents' Visiting Day. I couldn't wait to see my loved ones again. I called my parents to come and guess what? They were unable make it! I felt so disappointed. I thought to myself, "Is money more important than your son? Do you know how much your son misses you?" If only my mum knew that. Fortunately, my grandma will be coming.

Suddenly, I realized that Xiaofen's brother was also having his BMT here. I decided to ask her whether she would be coming! Yes! I might have the chance to see her again! That would be one of my wildest dreams come true if she came. Without any hesitation, I messaged her to ask if she would be coming. I remembered it was at night when I sent her the message. I fell asleep even before I got her reply.

When I woke up the next morning. The first thing I did was not to brush my teeth, but was to check my handphone for her message.

"1 message received".

I opened my inbox and looked at her message.

"Yah. Maybe coming. So excited..."

Woo!! I could not believe my eyes when I saw that. I quickly replied to her saying that I wanted to meet her that day. She followed up by saying, "May we meet ok." Life had just gotten better and better for me. Everything between me and her was going smoothly again. My countdown to Parents' Visiting Day began. I was so excited and couldn't wait for it to come. Eventually, the day arrived…

....so...so..worried...

2004-09-15T20:08:00.000+08:00

weLL..its beeN a loNg timE since i bloggEd..
heh..u peOPle oUt theRe wiLL be veRy haPPy tHat i blOgged..
but weLL..i ain't haPPy..at aLL..sometHIng happened again..
i'm all prepaRed for thIs..SHE was admitted in agAin..
sEEing HER like this..i felt so worried..i'm gonna visit her tmr..
whY aLL baD thinGs havE to haPPen to me??..whY iS theRe sO maNy sEtbaCks thIs yeAr?..i juSt couldn't understand..sigh..SHE is gonna pull thru..but iS hoPe reaLLy therE?..i'm pINned on hOPe before..but..iT waSn't therE foR me..sigh...

*~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 9

2004-09-15T01:08:00.000+08:00
Chapter Nine - The Nation beckons

Life was like living hell for the next few months. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I have lost her…Xiaofen. I was back to square one…back to being a loser…back at rock bottom. The guys sensed that something was wrong and urged me to tell them what happened between me and Xiaofen but I just could not bring myself to accept the fact… the fact that Xiaofen had made use of me.

I felt such like a fool man, betrayed by the women I love most. Can you imagine that feeling? That fu*ked-up feeling of being the stupidest and loneliest person in the world? I so wanted to tell the guys the truth but was afraid I would be laughed at. Though I doubted they would do that…but in the end, I still kept everything to myself.

Time will heal the pain right? That's what they always say.

*****

"We will serve and protect the nation, with our lives!" I echoed. That was the last sentence me and the rest of the recruits shouted at the Auditorium.

A few months have passed since that emotional "breakup". Well, time does indeed heal the pain, though of course the scar would be there. Did not have too much time to ponder about it either cos today was my enlistment day. I was going to be enlisted into Pulau Tekong for my Basic Military Training for two months. The nation beckons and it was time for Xiaoxin to do his part for his nation. Ha. Sounds so patriotic right?

After the ceremony at the auditorium, I went to have my "last" meal with my father in the cookhouse. One of my loser buddies, Yam Seng, was also there to send me off. Thinking of it now, maybe the reason he came to see me off is because of the free lunch he was going to have. Ha. :op

After having my meal with them, I knew my time was up. For the first time in my life, I was reluctant to leave my father. But deep inside me, I knew I had to start being like a real man and stop being such a crybaby anymore. Thus, I never looked back after I said goodbye to him.

This was it! It's the beginning of my two months of hellish BMT.

The first day was damn busy. We got enlisted in the morning and it was only until ten at night when we were given our last parade. To make matters worse, I couldn't sleep at all during the first night in my bunk. I was turning and tossing around in bed, unable to fall asleep. I thought to myself, "If everyday is going to be like this, how am I gonna get past these two months?" I just hoped tomorrow will be better. It did....

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 8

2004-09-14T13:02:00.000+08:00
Chapter Eight - The Big lie

Sometimes, it's really difficult to believe that my life is not cursed. I mean up to this point, everything has been going on so smoothly that it was almost surreal. For the first time in my miserable life, I was happy. I truly felt that my days of single-hood was behind me…

I sms-ed Xiaofen the next day, asking her how her day was. She took quite some time to replay and it was a rather cold answer. "Fine." She said.

"So when are you free again?" I asked.

Her next message came as a shock to me.

"Don't know lah, why you always ask? You very fan lei."

I was speechless as I stared at my handphone screen.

Did I say something wrong? Why was she so annoyed with me? We were still so happy last night. In the end, I assumed that she might be stressed out with her upcoming projects. I sent her a "I'm sorry" message. She did not reply.
A week passed since I last spoke to Xiaofen. That Sunday night, I decided to call her to find out how she was doing.

"Hello." Xiaofen voice greeted me on the other end of the line.

"Hi, it's me." I said.

"Oh, Xiaoxin." She sounded a bit surprised to hear my voice.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked.

"Okay loh. Xiaoxin, really sorry about that day. I was in a bad mood." She apologized.

"Hmm, never mind lah…I've forgotten all about it already."

"Oh. Okay." She said.

"Xiaofen, when are you free? Want to meet?"

There was a long pause.

"Xiaofen? You there?"
"Err…yah." She replied.

"So, when can we go out again?"

"Xiaoxin, There's something I have to tell you." She sounded serious and suddenly, I had this feeling that I was not going to like what I'm about to hear… and I was right.

"What is it?"

"Xiaoxin, I'm very sorry to you."

"Huh? Why do you say that?"

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

"Lied to me? When? What are you talking about? I was confused by her words.

"I'm a bad women Xiaoxin, I made use of you."

"What?!"

"I already have a boyfriend."

I never saw that coming. What the fu*k?! I almost dropped the phone when I heard those words. I could not believe what I have just heard.

"Boyfriend? How can that be? Are you kidding me? " I muttered still in a daze.

"Sorry, Xiaoxin."

"Then why did you still go out with me during Valentine's day?

"We…had an argument a week before that and I agreed to come out with you because… I wanted to spite him…I'm sorry."

I felt the whole world collapsing on me as those hurting words pierce my heart.

"You are a nice guy Xiaoxin, you deserve someone better. I'm sorry for making use of you."

I was unable to speak as I tried hard to hold back my tears.

"You are a nice guy Xiaoxin, you deserve someone better. I'm sorry for making use of you."

I was unable to speak as I tried hard to hold back my tears.

"Xiaoxin, I know you are angry with me right now…just want to say I'm really really sorry…"

I could no longer listen further. I hung up the phone, ran to my bedroom and shut the door. I just laid on my bed like a dead man, staring up my ceiling, still coming to terms with the truth.

I was angry with Xiaofen but the feeling of disappointment was greater. Why did this have to happen to me? Everything was going fine till this point. Is this a sick joke the man above is playing on me? Why is my life like that? Can't I be happy for once? Why is it so fu*ked up?! Can't I be with the one girl I like?

All those questions… nobody to answer.
All those troubles… nobody to blame.
Maybe I am a loser after all…

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 7

2004-09-13T19:58:00.000+08:00
Chapter Seven - Valentine's Day

I will always remember the look on Xiaofen's face when I gave her the rose…that lovely smile.

"Thanks Xiaoxin. I like it very much." She said.

Then, she turned around and signaled to a couple at a corner. And they started walking towards us.

What the hell? Who were those people?

"Xiaoxin, meet my friend Linda and her boyfriend. I hope you don't mind. I told them to come along."

"Of course I don't mind." I smiled weakly. Deep down inside, I was really disappointed that I could not spend this special night with Xiaofen alone…but maybe I was asking for too much. Just be thankful that she agreed to come out with me in the first place right?

We went to a seafood restaurant to have dinner. On the way there, I saw more couples, it was like the whole street was infested with them. Ha! I said to myself, "Luckily I'm not alone, if not I would have cried if I saw so many couples together."

We reached the restaurant soon after and we sat down to take our orders. We talked a bit while waiting for our food to arrive but it was a bit awkward cos I don't really know Linda and her boyfriend. Most of the time, it was Xiaofen and Linda who were doing most of the talking while I just sat there and listen, occasionally nodding my head when they asked me questions. I think the other guy was also feeling the same way as I did, he would rather spend V-day alone with his girlfriend than like now…but sign, what to do?

Our food soon arrived and half-way while eating, Linda teased me, saying that I should help Xiaofen to peel off the prawn's shell.

I looked at Xiaofen and asked, "You want some prawns?"

Xiaofen just blushed and looked away, "It's okay lah Xiaoxin."

Ha, how stupid was I? Even if she wanted the prawn she would be too shy to say yes right? So, like the gentleman I was, I peeled the prawn for Xiaofen.

"Here Xiaofen, it's for you." I offered her the prawn.

"Thanks, Xiaoxin. It's so nice of you." Xiaofen smiled.

"Feed her lah." Linda chuckled.

Upon hearing those words, Xiaofen's face turn red. She was really embarrassed.

"Linda…" Xiaofen mumbled.

"It's okay lah." I answered and brought the prawn towards her mouth…Xiaofen took a bite.

"Nice or not?" Linda laughed.

Xiaofen just nodded her head, too embarrassed to say anything.

"Of course lah, your boyfriend peel for you one mah, of course nice lah." Linda added.

Xiaofen remained silent and continued eating.

I was so happy that she did not say anything when Linda said that I was her "boyfriend" Silence means consent right? Ha. I mean if she did not have any good feelings for me, she would have protested when Linda said boyfriend. But she just kept quiet…and if a girl comes out with you during Valentine's day, it must mean something too right?

We went for a stroll by the river after the meal and with the sun setting in the background, it created such a romantic atmosphere. There were also a lot of couples by the bridge admiring the scenery. By this time, Linda and her boyfriend had walked off to the other end of the bridge, leaving Xiaofen and me alone.

I was so tempted to just hold her hand there…but I did not. Now that I think of it, damn! I should have just done it. Maybe things would turn out different…

We sat down on an empty bench and enjoyed the magical moment…I looked at the beautiful girl beside me…suddenly, I felt like my life was complete…it was like I have found what I lost…I don't care if I have nothing, as long as I can have her by my side…I would be contented…

******

"Xiaoxin , thanks for tonight." Xiaofen said at the bus-stop. "I really had an enjoyable time. I will always remember this day."

"Me too, Xiaofen." I replied. "Maybe we can meet again next week?"

"Okay, some other time loh. I'll call you?" I asked.

"See first." Xiaofen said. At this moment, her bus arrived and she boarded it. I wished her goodnight and watch her bus disappear into the distance.

I couldn't sleep after I reach home, too happy liao. Ha. The guys called me and asked how my date turned out. I told them it was great and they all congratulated me, saying that it was finally time for me to leave the "loser" group… I laughed when I heard that.

"Don't worry, I won't forget you all." I said.

Hell, I spoke too early cos the events that followed... I never saw it coming...

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 6

2004-09-12T13:30:00.000+08:00
Chapter Six - Xiaofen, beautiful angel

A few days later, it was Chinese New Year. But I was not in the mood for it because I was thinking of Xiaofen all the time. I was thinking how I could see her again. My mother knew that I was depressed and asked me what happened. I told her about Xiaofen…and how I had fallen in love with her…

I told her about us and showed her the neo-print we took. The moment she saw the photo, she said that Xiaofen looked like her when she was young and like the rest, commented that we had the couple look. I was so happy when I heard that. My mum told me to go for it and ask her out during Valentine's day. After hearing those words, I decided to give it a try… I didn't know what my chances were. I did not have too much confidence in myself. But hell, I just had to do it.

It was Valentine day's eve already, and I had yet to call Xiaofen. I was starting to have second thoughts, as I did not know whether I would be able to take it if she said no.

My "loser" buddies, Kan Cheong and Co. had came over to my house to stay overnight to play PS2. It was to be our last "Teenage" V day.

"So how, call Xiaofen already?" Yam Seng asked.

"Not yet, don't know whether I want to call or not."

"Call lah, or you will regret it for the rest of your life." Yam Seng said.

"I don't know lei… what if she says no?"

"Hey man, you got to at least try mah. Maybe she'll say yes." Kan Cheong advised.

"Arrr… very fan (troubled) lah…" I put down my handphone and headed to the toilet.

And guess what happened while I was gone? Apparently, Yam Seng messaged Xiaofen using my handphone and asked her whether she wanted to meet me.

I flew into a rage when he told me what he had done. Shit, what had he done?!

"Tell me you're joking." I screamed.

"No, I really sent the message liao." Yam Seng grinned.

I managed to calm myself down after a while. Maybe what Yam Seng done was not a bad thing afterall, now I just had to wait for Xiaofen's reply… …

I waited for the whole night while the guys were busy playing Winning Eleven. It was almost 2am already and Xiaofen had yet to reply.

"It's over liao. Look what you have done!" I stared at Yam Seng.

"Sorry lah, maybe she'll reply in the morning…" Yam Seng said.

"Go to hell lah you!"

I slept with a broken heart…

"Beep beep!"

I jumped up from my bed. It was a message! Was it mine? I looked at the time, it was 7.30am. I immediately reached for my handphone.

There was nothing.

"Damn." I cursed. It was someone else handphone.

We went to have breakfast a little while later. I was still a bit angry with Yam Seng for what he had done but he assured me that Xiaofen would definitely reply. I wanted to tell him to F off but before I could say that…. My handphone started to beep.

The six of us stared at each other. For a moment, no one spoke.

"Xiaofen!" Yam Seng shouted.

I took my handphone out from my pocket.

"1 message received."

I opened it.

"Xiaofen."

I almost couldn't believe my eyes when she said that she would be free today! I was almost as stunned as the guys were. I think Yam Seng was a relieved man. I was so happy that I even gave them a treat! Finally, is this going to be my time? For the first time in my life, I was going to celebrate Valentine's day with a girl!

Xiaofen would be meeting me after school and this meant that I had some time in the morning to prepare for it. Just in case you guys are wondering why the hell am I not in school, well it's because I have already graduated and was waiting to enter NS.

Even though I did not sleep well the previous night, I was so excited that I could not sleep in the morning. I was still wondering whether I was still dreaming.

I laid on my bed and closed my eyes…hopefully everything will turn out fine.

I went to the florist in the afternoon and bought her a blue rose which I liked very much. It cost me a bomb but I think that it was well worth it…

Time flew by and before I knew, it was time. Time for Xiaoxin to meet Xiaofen.

Holding the rose in my hand, I arrived at City hall Station around 5pm. And boy! There were countless couples at the station. A lady even came to me and said that my rose was very beautiful and unique as it was blue. I told myself, "It's for my Xiaofen, of course it's beautiful man…"

"Beep, beep." It was my handphone. Xiaofen was here. I glanced around and saw her. The beautiful angel walked towards me and I gave her the rose.

"Happy Valentine's day Xiaofen."

^^**~~A Love To Let Go~~**^^

2004-09-11T20:08:00.000+08:00

aNOthEr stOry..maYbe tHis stOry wiLl heLp soMe otheRs to knOw whAt's tHe true meAning of lOve..anD lOve meAns leTTing iT go, neveR poSsive tO it..hOpe yoU aLL lIke it..i'll coNtinurE poSt the otHer lOve stOry dAily..stAy tUneD! hehe..

_____________________________________________________

People say a lot of things about love. Some say that love is selfish, some say that love is blind. Others think that love is great and love conquers all. I do not know whether any of this is true but I do know one thing for sure. Love is about seeing the other person happy. Seeing the lovely smile on her face, even if it involves giving her up…

I got to know Jane during one of my poly class gathering. Jane was a friend of my friend and I do not know her then. There were six of us, 3 guys and 3 girls. My buddy Mark, Thomas a 20-something guy who had already completed his NS. We call him our big brother. Then there was Sue, Ling who was Thomas girlfriend and lastly Jane.

We went to K-Star KTV at Orchard and sang for 4 hours straight. I sang quite a couple of songs, mostly songs by Jay Chou, my favorite singer. Heck, I think I impressed all the people in the room, judging from the thunderous applause I got. Ha.

Except for Jane though, she did not sing but just listened and watched the music videos. At first I just thought that she was plain arrogant. But later I found out from Mark that she had just broken up with her boyfriends a few days back.

After KTV, we went to have dinner at Plaza Singapura. We had pizza at Pizza hut. Mark then suggested going to catch a midnight movie. Everyone agreed except Jane and me. I think Jane was obviously not in the mood. Who would if you had just broke up with your boyfriend?

I did not go because I wanted to rush home to watch the Battle of the Titans, Man Utd vs Arsenal that is. Hey, I'm a staunch Man Utd supporter and I wanted to see how the Red Devils kick Arsenal's butt.

"Come on lah Jane, go and relax. Enjoy yourself. Forget about that jerk." Sue said.

"Never mind Sue, you guys go ahead. I just want some time alone." Jane replied.

"You take care okay. Try not to think too much." Sue advised.

"I'll be fine Sue."

"Darren, you mind sending Jane back?" Sue asked me.

"Hey, it's okay. Thanks." Jane looked up for the first time.

"Err…never mind. I'll walk you to the MRT station." I offered.

We said our goodbye and I accompanied Jane to the nearby MRT station.

There was this awkward silence as I just walked besides her, not saying a word. I figured that she might just want to be alone and I don't really know her well, wouldn't want to give any stupid advice.

Halfway, Jane saw a couple walking past sharing an ice-cream cone and she suddenly burst out crying.

"Hey Jane, are you alright?" I asked concernedly. Okay I know that was a stupid question. If she suddenly cried in the middle of the street, she obviously can't be alright. I might as well ask if she had cried because she wanted to eat ice-cream!

Jane did not reply but just kept sobbing. I fumbled for the packet of tissue in my pocket. Thank God I still have half a packet left.

"Here, take it." I offered her the tissues.

"Ei, don't cry lah. Wait people think I bully you." I tried to use my lame sense of humor.

It worked though as Jane looked at me and smiled a bit.

"So sorry… when I saw the couple… I remembered…" her voice trailed off.

"Hey, you wanna go talk or something?" I suggested. Suddenly, the clash of Manchester United and Arsenal did not seemed so important anymore.

Jane nodded her head. I looked around and saw a café. "We go there and have a cup of coffee." I pointed.

"Okay." Jane said.

Even though I did not know Jane well, she poured her heart to me. I think she just needed someone to talk to. She had known her boyfriend, Charles for close to 2 years. They were classmates from Secondary school and had planned to study in the same Junior College after the O's. But sadly, Jane did not make the cut. She fared badly for her final exams and did not make it to the same JC as Charles. Left with little choice, she had to enroll in polytechnic instead.

That was when her relationship with her boyfriend started to go downhill. He was always busy and had little time to go out during the weekends. Soon, the time the couple spent together became lesser and lesser. Eventually, the phone calls ceased and they met only about once a month. Even that did not last long.

"He told me that he met this girl in JC." Jane said, her eyes still red from crying.

"I love him Darren. So I decided to let him go." Jane mumbled.

"We just did not have enough time for each other anymore. I wanted him to be happy."

At that moment, I couldn't help but ask myself, "Is love really that generous?"

Jane felt better after the chat. She told me that she was alright now and just wanted to go home to have a good sleep and forget all about Charles.

"Don't worry Jane, you'll find someone better." I reassured her.

"Thanks Darren. You're a nice guy." Jane smiled at me.

We parted at Orchard MRT Station and I rushed home to catch the Man Utd match. It had already ended by then. I was a bit pissed that I missed the match but when I thought of Jane's parting smile, I knew that I had done the right thing. For the record, the match was a draw.

"Hi Darren. This is Jane. Thanks for last night. :o)" I stared at my handphone still in a half dreamy state. Then I suddenly remembered. Jane.

I did not know why but I was happy when I received her message.

"Glad I could help. Btw, how did you get my number?" I asked.

Her reply came a few seconds later.

"Oh, I got it from Sue. Hope u dun mind. :o)"

"Of course not." I replied.

After about an hour of SMS, Jane asked me whether I wanted to meet her for lunch. She wanted to treat me as a way of saying thanks.

We met at Cityhall MRT Station and I could not recognize her at first when she came up to me at the station.

"Hey Darren." Jane greeted.

I was stunned for a while as I stared at the beautiful lady in front of me. Jane looked so different from last night. She had put on a bit of make-up and was dressed in a casual tee and jeans. But she still looked gorgeous.

"It's me. Jane. You okay or not?" Jane waved her hands in front of me.

"Oh. Hi. I was thinking of something." I said.

"Hee, too hungry waiting is it?" Jane asked jokingly.

"Yah loh. I want to eat buffet okay?" I replied.

"Wah, expensive lei." She laughed.

"You say want to give treat mah. Of course must eat good stuff lah." I smiled.

"Okay loh, I treat you, pig!"

We had a good laugh and in the end had Mc Donald instead. After lunch, we went window shopping and Jane bought a few t-shirts. She said when she's unhappy she will shop her worries away.

We happened to walk pass HMV and Jane asked which singer I liked. I told her Jay Chou and she had a surprised look on her face.

"Hee, I also like Jay." She said.

We entered HMV and went to one of the testing station where we listened to songs from Jay's latest album. I think we just stood there and completed half the album.

"I like song no 3." I smiled.

"Me too." Jane replied.

We looked at each other then started laughing, "Such a coincidence." I thought to myself.

*****

I met Jane more often after that Sunday afternoon. Jane studied in the same course as me, IT. But was in different class. She's a rather petite girl. She had middle-length rebonded hair and had sharp facial features, the type of girl guys would take a second look when walking on Orchard Road. She looked a bit Japanese and her friends often teased her, calling her Ayumi.

We would have lunch together and meet up during breaks to chat. As I got to know Jane better, my feelings for her grew.

Having never been in a relationship before, I had no idea what love was all about. But I just know that whenever I'm with Jane, I felt happy and I wanted to be in her company. Whenever, I see her smile at me, my heart would stop. Okay, that's a bit ridiculous. But it's kinda difficult to explain what love is all about. You have to experience it for yourself!

I felt that our feelings were mutual and I was over the moon when she agreed to be my girlfriend 2 months later.

So, there you have it, the perfect love story of Darren and Jane… or so I thought…

One evening, while having dinner, Jane appeared very moody. It was the first time I ever see her like this…since her breakup with Charles.

"What's wrong Jane?" I asked.

Jane was silent for a while. Then she said, "It's Charles. He messaged me yesterday."

"What? What did he say?" I asked.

"He said he was sorry and wanted to patch things up with me." Jane replied.

I looked at Jane but she was staring at her glass of peach tea.

"What did you tell him?"

Jane paused for a while then said, "I don't know. I told him I was confused. I told him about you and he said that he would wait…"

"That bastard." I suddenly felt angry. That jerk left Jane for another girl and now he had the cheek to come back and ask for a reconcile!

"No Darren, I'm sorry but I still love him." Jane defended.

When Jane said those words, it was like thousands of needles piercing my heart. I never expected her to say that… All the while I thought she had moved on and forgotten about him.

"What?…" I mumbled.

"Sorry Darren."

"What about me? What about us?" I asked, trying hard to fight back my tears.

"I don't know Darren. I don't want to make this decision." Jane started to cry openly.

"You have to Jane. It would be unfair to all of us if you don't." I said and stood up to leave. At that point of time, I was so angry with Jane. It was as if she had betrayed me.

I asked Mark out and we bought a six-pack and drank at the park near his place. I told him what happened and he offered me his advice.

"Do you love Jane?" Mark asked.

"Yes. Of course I do."

"Then, you should know the answer to your problems."

I did not know what Mark meant at that time. I thought he was drunk or something. But the morning after, I suddenly remembered what Jane had said the first time I met her.

"I love Charles. So I decided to let him go."

*****

I broke up with Jane a week later. It was for our own good. I told her that I was not angry with her and that we could still be friends if she did not mind. She did not say much, but just said sorry again.

Sometimes, I wonder whether I made the right decision. But one afternoon, I saw Jane and Charles at Orchard road and they were sharing an ice-cream. She looked so happy. And that was all I needed to know.

Sometimes, love is not about possession.

I love Jane. And I let her go.

**~~A Romantic Story~~**Part 5

2004-09-11T15:10:00.000+08:00

Chapter Five - Orchard Memories

"I went over to her and said "Hi". She gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

"Xiaoxin, you're here. So early ah?" she asked.

"Er…no lah. Just reach only." I replied.

"Ha, where you want to go?"

"Er…anything loh." I was so nervous that I was totally loss for words. My mind was completely blank as I stared at the pretty girl in front of me.

"Why not we go get something to drink?" Xiaofen suggested.

"Ok." I nodded my head.

"Why you so shy?" Xiaofen giggled.

"Er…no lah." I mumbled.

We went to Burger King and I offered to buy drinks for her. I still remember what drinks we had, 2 ice lemon tea. We sat down and we begin the first chat between the two of us…

The first moment I talked to her, I just felt that we seemed to know each other for a long time already, even thought it was our first conversation in person. We talked as though we were good friends and our conversation ranges from talking about our studies, our hobbies, and even our "romance" life. She asked why I did not have a girlfriend and I just said, "The person I likes always never likes me."

During our chat, she asked me where was the neo print that she gave me. (We had exchange photos and neo prints in our previous letters) Well, the truth was that I had cut it and placed in my wallet but I couldn't tell her that right? Instead, I told her that I had lost it.

Xiaofen seemed angry with me at first but then I asked her to take another one with me and she agreed.

We left Burger King an hour later.

We walked over to HMV to take our picture. Walking beside her on the crowded Orchard road, I felt like the most fortunate person in the world! You know, everytime whenever I walk along Orchard road with my group of "loser" friends, I will always be filled with envy whenever I see a couple walks pass us, but today…Ha. I felt like a winner!

On the way to HMV, Xiaofen suddenly asked me why I always place my hands inside my pocket. The first thing that came to my mind was that I was afraid that my hand would not listen to me and hold her hand. Ha. That was a joke lah, I obviously did not say that.

We finally arrived at HMV and headed to the 3rd level to take our Neo-print.

"Xiaoxin, smile lei." Xiaofen said in the photo booth.

Well, I seldom smile when taking photos, must look cool mah. But for Xiaofen, I gave her the most electrifying smile the world had ever seen… Ha.

The photo was taken in an instance and when I looked at it, I realized that we really looked compatible together! Ha. It was like we had the "Foo Qi Xiang" ( Husband and Wife look )

We browse around the shops before Xiaofen said she had to meet her friend at Far East Plaza. I accompanied her there and while walking along Orchard road, I realized that many people like to walk "between" us. If only I can hold her hand and prevent other people from coming in between us….

"Xiaoxin, where are you going next?" she asked when we reached Far East.

"Me? I think I'll go meet my friends."

"Okay lor, hee, I really enjoyed meeting you." Xiaofen smiled.

"Me too." I said.

We bid farewell at the escalator and I even wished her a Happy Valentine's day. (Valentine's day was in a week time.) As I saw her go up, I turned and left…

I went to meet Yam Seng and the rest after that. They were so excited when they saw me, as they were eager to know how I had fared. I wanted to lie to them that things did not turn out good but I was so happy then that I just could not stop smiling. Eventually, I had to admit to them that it was a great first meeting.

"Got take photo or not?" Yam Seng asked.

"Yah."

"Show us lei." Kan Cheong said.

I took out the treasured Neo-print and when the guys saw it, they too think that we have the husband and wife look! Ha. I was really very happy for that whole day after meeting Xiaofen. I have never felt like that since a long time…hopefully it can only get better…

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 4

2004-09-10T13:03:00.000+08:00

Chapter Four - The first time I saw her

"Xiaofen?" I whispered as I fumbled with the keys, trying to open the mailbox. That unique fragrance confirmed what I have thought. It was Xiaofen alright!

I peeled open the letter and starting reading it. I was so excited that I even left my keys at the mailbox and forgotten all about it!

Hi Xiaoxin. How are you? Really surprised when I saw your letter. It has been such a long time… I thought you have forgotten me already. :o)

Anyway, just completed my O levels last year and I did quite okay loh. Managed to get into the Multimedia Course at Nanyang Poly. Hee, I heard from my friends that it's quite fun. So looking forward to starting school in a few days time. :o)

How about you Xiaoxin? You mentioned in your letter that you were also studying Multimedia right? What a coincidence. Is it stressful in year two? Cos you tell me that you have all these projects to do…must work hard okay?

I'm really happy that you still remember me. Maybe we should meet some time, you think? Hope to hear from you soon.

Lots of Love
Xiaofen.

Ha. Words cannot describe how happy I felt when I received her letter. And now she even wanted to meet up? I was in heaven! Finally, after so many years, I can finally get to meet the girl of my dreams face to face!

I replied to her letter and gave her my handphone number. A few days later, she messaged me.

"Hi Xiaoxin, this is Xiaofen."

I still remember I was at a lecture when I received her message. I was wondering who it could be as all my friends were attending the lecture with me. When I saw her name, I cried out in joy and the lecturer thought that I had gone mad! Ha.

"Hi, Xiaofen what are you doing now?" I keyed in my reply secretly, hiding my handphone from the lecturer.

"Me? Having a lecture now. But it's boring. You lei." She replied.

"Ha. Me too. Dozing off already."

I decided to ask her out his weekend, "Xiaofen, you free this Saturday? Want to meet?"

She took a while to reply and initially, I thought I had frightened her by being too direct. I was not even concentrating on the lecture anymore, was just staring at my handphone and waiting for her message.

"Beep. Beep. One message received."

I opened the SMS in double quick time.

"Saturday will be fine. Where you want to meet?"

"Yess!!!" I shouted and this time, everybody in the lecture hall was staring at me but I couldn't care less!

"You crazy ah?" Alan who was sitting next to me asked.

I just smiled at him and said nothing.

We were to meet at Takashimaya on Saturday afternoon and on Friday night, I could not sleep. I was just feeling so nervous and excited about meeting Xiaofen. Add to the fact that I rarely spoken to girls since I entered Poly…and now I'm going out on a date with a girl?

"You better don't screw up." I told myself.

Saturday afternoon. We were supposed to meet at 2pm but I was early. I did not tell Yamseng and the rest that I was going to meet Xiaofen. They all had a sad history with girls and I did not wanted to be cursed by them. Ha.

My heart was beating more furiously as 2pm drew closer.

Then suddenly, I caught sight of this girl in a white tee-shirt. She had her back against me and I could not see her face. But something in me told me that it was her. That girl must be Xiaofen.

She turned around for a split second and I caught a glimpse of her. She was beautiful.

I picked up my phone and dialed Xiaofen's number. "Please let that be her." I mumbled, hoping that the girl in the white tee was Xiaofen.

My heart almost stopped beating when I saw her taking out her phone from her bag.

"Yes! That white angel in front of me was Xiaofen!" Ha. :o)

**~~A Romantic Story~~**Part 3

2004-09-09T01:45:00.000+08:00
Chapter Three - Xiaoxin is...

Hey, it's chapter three already and I have yet to introduce myself. Hi, I'm Xiaoxin as you already know. Of course, Xiaoxin is not my real name lah. All the names mentioned in the stories are fictional, must protect identities mah.

Anyway, I would like to quote one of my good friend, Kancheong. "I'm just your typical average guy, not exactly a Brad Pitt nor a freakish monster." I'm 20 years old and would be reaching 21 come January.

Just like my other friends, currently serving my National Service and will be going to Brunei for a year in September. For all my 20 years on this earth, I can proudly declare that I have only fallen in love with 2 girls, Xiaofen and Ah-Xiu. I'm really that kind of faithful guy, those die-hard romantic guys who believe in true love…who always end up on the losing side? Ha. Loser… Does that word ring a bell?

My friends say that I have a evil look, "Huai Ren Lian" But really, I'm a good guy lah. Ha. Maybe it's my hair back in those poly days, I remember I dyed it brown and always gel it. No wonder, Ah-Xiu said I looked like a Beng. They also say that I have attitude problem , that when I talk, it's like I'm arguing, that's why I'm still single cos I frighten all the girls away… I think they are exaggerating lah.

I studied Multimedia Technology during my 3 years at Singapore Poly and it was during that time I got to know 5 of the most unique guys on earth, the 6 losers as we used to call ourselves. Kan Cheong, the smart guy in the group, Yam Seng, the perverted one. Alan, the crazy one, Figo, the slow one and Edwin, the no-guts one." Ha.

I really had quite a fun time in Poly though I did not accomplish much, only thing to show for at the end of the 3 years was a rather crappy game we made for our final year project - School Days.

Okay, I seemed to be going off the point right? You want to read about what happens next in this story don't you?

As I was saying, I decided to write Xiaofen a letter sometime during the 2nd year of Poly. I figured out that by this time, her exams would already be over and I wanted to know how she was doing.

I think that letter was the longest I wrote in my life. It was like 5 pages long. Told her about what happened during the past year and a lot of other stuffs. I didn't know whether she would reply or not, it has been almost a while since the last letter. Could she have changed her home address already? Or maybe she has forgotten me liao…

I was not really that hopeful, even had seconds thoughts whether I should post the letter. But something inside me told me that I should give myself a chance…

It was exactly one week later when I saw the familiar purple envelope inside my mailbox…

**~~A Romantic Story~~**Part 2

2004-09-08T01:13:00.000+08:00
Chapter Two - Xiuzi, Pizza Princess

We exchanged letters for about 1 and a half years. During this period of time, I got to know Xiaofen better, her likes, dislikes and lot of other stuffs. Even though I was only like 16, I felt that she was the one for me…

I still remember the last letter Xiaofen sent me. It was a Christmas card. I had already completed my O levels then and was waiting to enter Poly. For Xiaofen though, the dreaded Os was just the beginning.

Xiaofen said that she might not be able to write to me as frequent now cos she would be busy with her homework. Furthermore, her parents were not very approving of this pen-pal thingy. "You're still young to have a boyfriend. Studies comes first." That was what her parents told her.

Xiaofen signed off by saying that she was happy that she got to know me and if fate would allow, we would meet again someday…

I was heartbroken when I saw the letter. Was that a breakup? Ha, a bit ridiculous right? How to break up when we are not even a couple? But that was how I felt at that moment. Maybe I was still young then, don't know how to think.

For a few weeks, I was sad. Had no appetite and even lost interest for playing soccer. Just in case you don't know yet, Soccer was like my second life then. Even my grandma was a bit taken aback when I decided to stay at home to watch TV on a weekend rather than play soccer with my buddies. "Xiao Xin? Are you sick? Want Ah-ma to bring you to see doctor or not?" Yah, that was how serious it was. Ha.

Anyway, I somehow managed to "get over" Xiaofen when I found myself a part-time job at Pizza-hut. The work schedule was rather busy and I was able to distract myself for a while. It was also at Pizza-hut where I met Ah-Xiu. She was also working there part-time and was waiting for her O levels result.

Ah-Xiu had a pleasant look and a sweet smile that would melt any guy's heart. That was how she captured mine. Ha. She was a bit tanned though and had a Cindy Crawford mole. :o) When I first saw her, I thought that she looked a bit "lian" and told myself that she must be a bad girl. But she approached me one day and we started talking. I found that she was really quite a nice girl afterall. And guess what she told me? She said that the first time when she saw me, she told herself that I must be a "Beng" Ha.

I was rather a shy guy and Ah-Xiu and my other female colleagues would always tease me. "Xiaoxin, you're always so quiet. You scared of us is it? We won't eat you up lah." But I did not take their jokes to heart.

Because Ah-Xiu came to Pizza-hut 2 weeks later than me, I was somehow like a senior to her and often she would ask me to help her out, like serve difficult customers or help her clear up when it was time to knock off. Everytime, I would help her. I felt different when I was with Ah-Xiu, I would feel happy and yet a bit nervous whenever I talk to her. I didn't know why I felt like that then… now I know. I gave ourselves a nick at Pizza-hut. I was the Pizza prince and Ah-Xiu was the Pizza Princess. Together, the prince and the princess would live happily ever after. Ha. :o)

Anyway, Ah-Xiu left soon after the O levels result were released. I can still remember that night when I called her and ask how she fared for the exams. She was reluctant to tell me and even told me to stop being a busybody. I found out later that she had failed her English and she had to retain for a year.

I worked at Pizza-hut for half a year before I had to enroll of poly. It was during the 2nd year of Poly that I contacted Xiaofen again…

***~~A Romantic Love Story~~*** Part 1

2004-09-07T23:14:00.000+08:00
Chapter One - When Xiaoxin meets Xiaofen

I met Xiaofen 6 years ago when I was in Secondary 3. At that time, the IRC was the "In" thing and I was a regular chatter. Everyday after school, I would go home, sit in front of my computer and chat happily away.

I got to know Xiaofen one August night while I was chatting on the Teens Channel. I still remember then, there was this popular series showing on Channel 8. It was the "Legend of the Condor Heroes." Staring Christopher Lee and Fann Wong. Inspired by that show, I decided to use the nick "Yang Guo", the lead character in the story.

Boy! Was that nick popular. The moment I entered the chatroom, I was swarmed by requests from girls asking me to chat with them. Ha.

That faithful night, I chanced upon her nick, "Fen." I didn't know why but I just had this feeling to click on the nick.

"Hi Yang Guo, this is Xiao Long Nui" the words flashed on the screen. Xiao Long Nui was the other female character in the story who developed a romantic thingy with Yang Guo.

I laughed when I saw that message. "It's kinda creative." I thought to myself. So, I decided to play along.

"Hi Gu Gu". I replied. In the story, Yang Guo address Xiao Long Nui as Gu gu.

"Hi, how old are you Yang Guo?" Fen asked.

"Don't you know my age Gu Gu? Yang Guo is 15. :o)" I typed.

You must be 35 right Gu Gu?" I said mischievously.

"Ha. No lah. I'm only 13." Fen replied.

"What's your real name Gu Gu?" I asked her.

"Xiaofen."

We began chatting regularly on the IRC after that night. Everyday when I reach home from school, I would quickly rush through my homework and then go online. Xiaofen would always be there waiting for me. We got to know each other better as the days progressed.

Xiaofen was a Secondary one student studying in a neighborhood school. Like me, she also enjoyed watching the "Legend of the Condor Heroes". Every night, we would talk about the show and also other stuffs like what we did for the day… we never seemed to run out of topics.

One night, however I did not see Xiaofen online. I thought that maybe she was too busy or something like that. But for 3 consecutive nights, she was not on the IRC. It turned out that her exam were approaching and her mum was worried that chatting on the net would affect her studies, thus forbid her to go online until her exams were over.

What was the next best option? We decided to send letters to each other instead. It might sound a bit stupid. Why send letters? Just wait until the exams are over then carry on chatting. Well, I also have no idea why we exchanged letters, maybe it's because we couldn't stand not talking to each other… Ha. That's kinda mushy right? :o)

Anyway, we started writing to each other every week. Thinking back, I find it rather romantic. You know the feeling of anticipation waiting for the other party's letter, something to look forward to every week. Everytime when I receive her letter…the purple scented envelope…I would feel so happy. Heck, the feeling is better than winning the jackpot! Hmm, I'm exaggerating lah, I never won the jackpot before, don't know how it feels like. Ha. :o)

I kept all the letters Xiaofen sends me in a special metal box. From time to time, I would take them out and read them, reliving those memories.

One day, Xiaofen sent me a photo of herself and the moment I set my sight on her, I told myself that she was the one I was going to marry. Maybe I was being childish at that time but I had this really strong liking for Xiaofen. Perhaps this was what people call love?

scrEwed!!!!!!

2004-08-26T21:42:00.000+08:00
i'm scRewed aT myseLf.i'm lOOking at myseLF in the mirror.LOOK!!.i jUS scrEwed tHIngs uP.hoW i wiSh i jUst vanisH togetHEr wiTh that bIg moUth of mine.firSt it wAs mY familY, follow by my fweNs.thosE arOUnd me.i totaLLy scrEwed uP at mYseLf.i not worth livinG in thiS lifE.mAny evEnts haPPened onE aFter aNOther this yeaR.i knOW aPoloGiziNg doeSn't heLP anYmorE.i stiLL haFTa sAy i'm soRRy to eveRyone arOund me.i'm jus a scRewed up mAn nOT woRth ur fwEnshIp anD kinsHip.i'm juS a worThless piecE of sh*t.i've scrEwed plpp's life.God, please screwEd my lifE.end iT.i can'T takE thiS suffEring anYmore lONger.i've had enOUght of myseLf.God, pleAse i beg u enD it quIckLy.

~Invisible~

2004-08-21T21:11:00.000+08:00
What're you doing tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

I saw your face in the crowd
I called out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could be what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

I reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm screaming out
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...

[Repeat Chorus]

gonE~....

2004-08-20T21:04:00.001+08:00
i've faiLed...i'vE givEn uP thE onLy tHIng leFt in mE........................hopE......................

wOrdS leFt unsAid....

2004-08-19T21:45:00.000+08:00
juS cAme bAck hoMe frOm exerciSing.iTS been a lONg time sincE i exErcise.i raN foR 2 hoUrs anD abOut 10kM plUs abIt of stAtionaRy exErcisE.iTS been loNg sincE thiS feelIng rEturNed.weLL.gueSs iTs a fruItfuL one.loOking foRwArd to thE neXt onE tmR.

soMe woRds i've leFt unsAid.haS tHe stOry enDed?.hAs thE stOry gONe wiTh thE wiND?.wE shaLL sEe tmr.wE shaLL see...

~^!*#%$^&...staRt mUggiNG!!!...

2004-08-14T23:49:00.000+08:00
arGH.havE beeN trYIng t o mUg mUg anD mUg.but then, i'm stiLL nOt mUGgiNg.gueSs i'm laZy.plaiN lazy.too mUch rCy stUFf.uniT, SDC, LinK caMp, etc. been woNderIng.whAt wouLd i trUly gaIn frOm thesE. morE fwEns, morE experiencE, morE fuN in lifE.bUt theRe's alWays a knOt in my heaRt. i'm feeLing.regretfuL.gueSs i'm trUly a jeRk. noW.feelIng lost. whEre r my dirEctionS of life.which paTh shOUld i take.can soMeone guide me.fweNs whO knows whAt i'm taLKing abT.i'm alrIte.juS need a guide.soMeone to guide me.i'm jus liKe a bLind mAn.i neEd a perSon to heLp me croSS the road and help mE tHroUghOut tHE joUrnEy.noW.i'm jus on the haLt waIting foR thE persOn to coME baCk heLp me thRougHout the joUrney.in my heaRt.i hopE.bUT hopE is juS tOO sliM for me to sEE it.i tRy to waLk aLonE.bUt trYing doeSn't sEEm heLp.iF theRe's reaLLy a chance.i woulD want tO trUly saId..i'm sorry..soRry for sAying thosE thiNgs..soRRy foR neglectIng u..soRRy for iGnoriNG u..soRRy foR eveRything whICh maDe u saD..i'm onLy lefT wIth a slIm hoPE..pLs don't deStroy tHat preciOus hope...

("\/")NaiL iN tHe fEncE("\/")

2004-08-13T21:05:00.000+08:00

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. " A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us." Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole.

***^-^bACk @ sCh^-^***

2004-08-13T19:26:00.000+08:00
hiHihI,
heh.tHx foR taGGing pLpp.i won'T be oNlinE as ofTen duE to upComing coMmon teSt.siGh.coNtinuE to tAg anD floOD my boaRd.heh.sEeya.mISsya pLpp. =P

"Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts."

***~`afTer a Long dAy!`~***

2004-08-11T21:08:00.000+08:00
iTs been dAys sincE i last BloGgeD.hehe.roTTing anD brEeding coBweBs.heh.
yUp.finaLLy. NDP is oveR.kindA missiNg eveRyone whO woRk haRd foR nDp.tHosE kiDs, tHe instRuctoRs, enCiks anD marshals.thosE grEat times wiTh them foR the past 3-4 mths. thE fuN anD laFfter.siMply unforgettabLe.hehe.tHankx plpp.shaLL bLOg fRom sAturdAy onwaRds.heh

~~~sAturdAy~~~
nO nDp trAining on tHAt day.thAt's whY that dAy woKe up suPEr latE.plAin laZy i gueSs.heh.den wEnt doWn to sch aroUnd 2+pm to bE inteRvieWed bY chIn hAn's fwEn.heh.wAs suPPosEd to finiSh aT 3pm.in thE enD, finishEd @ 3.30pM.heh.maDe suQi wAit for mE in tHe librAry for sO long. hee. soRry suQi.anYway.we pHotocoPied soME stuFf on oUr projeCts.donE in abOut 1/2 hr.den gO off to AMK tO triM my hair.heh.dEn afTer that weNt homE to batHe.anD den wEnt oUt agAin to Law siR's houSE for steAmboAt diNner foR tHE nDp instRuctors.heh.wAs thE laSt onE to reaChed therE.so pai seh.eveRyone wAiting for mE.hehe.soRry law siR, kEv siR, peIshAn, kAt, rOyce, weiShan & wAisEong.duRing thE dinneR.mY eyEs was oN the TV.tHEn roYce & oWs purpoSelY gO bLock mY vieW.hehe.whIle eatIng.thEy bloCk herE and theRe.can't sEe my shoW.argH.afTEr diNNer.wAshEd up anD stOned in fROnt of TV for aWhile.suddEnly, goT the urge to gO toiLet.wEnt to toileT.buddEn roYce waS insidE.whEn he finisHed.hE aSk mE if the cAt is oUtsidE.i sAid ya & quiCkly wEnt inTO the toilet.whEn roycE sAw thE cAt approaChing, he quiCkly closEd tHE dooR.i wAs doIng my busIness insidE.kAt wAs lOOking for roYce.anD heArd mY voicE anD royce vOice in tHe toileT. so hilarious.whAt iS 2 gUys doINg in the toilet.heh.roYce is sooo scared of cat.sEE caT onLy siAm.hehe.afTer thAt wEnt to lAw siR's rOOm to sEE pictUres of hIS korEa trIP.afTer that.eveRyone wEnt homE.wAs in kEv's caR wiTh kAt,peishAn anD roycE.whIle seNding kAt & roycE baCk.wE passeD by a blangadeshi worker's hostel.dEn suddEnly roYce sAid he sAw underweaR hAngIng at the windOw.wAs likE so farni.he can see undeRweaR froM the car and kAt wAs laffing oUt loUd.heh.hmm.aftEr drOpping kAt & royce.wE wEnt to aiRport to recievE the jApanese RCY delagates.hEhe.whIle wAiting foR thE jAps to coME out.we preparEd the banneR.anD the banNEr was likE tWo metres taLL.argh!.anD so bIG.eveRyone wAs lOOking at uS.so paiSeh sia.aFter that wenT home.heh.btw.gOt one of the jAp gurL.so cuTe and adOrble.heh.feeL lyK pinchINg heR cheek.coZ she's sooooO cute.hmm.buT i thiNk lycHee's cheek nicEr to pincH.hehe.

~~~Sunday~~~
yeAPz.woKe up eaRly coZ goTTa go meeT miCh tHEy aLL for movIE.heh.caLLed lindi to waIt for me @ AMK mrt stnt.in dE end.i anD her wAited 1/2 hr for xiAo qiAng.hehe.dEn wAs latE.hehe.miCh,stella,moK & kAt was wAiTing for uS at Cine.aTe lunch.weNt to sEe whAt mOvies arE available.in the enD.aLL of uS wenT to pLAy datona.heh.coZ no shOW to waTCh.wAnted to wAtch sisters.buT dun have.sigh.siNCe cine dun have.we went to Lido to seE have or nt lO.hehe.in tHe end.dun havE.den tHEy starteD to tAke phOtos.hehe.hanG aroUnd there for awhile b4 deciding to gO marina sqr.den dunO whY.we didn't stOp anD suntec.insteaD we go aLL tHE way to Parkway parade.hEhE.dEn okAy lo.wAlk aroUnd there.eAt,tAke pix.dEn eveRyone decided to go hOme.we suPPoseD to wAtch mOvie.in thE end.window shOpping.heh.afTer that i, Kat, lindi, steLLa & xiAo qiAng tOOk a buS bAck to eSpLAnaDe.hehe.steLla & xiAo qiAng weNT home.i, kAt & lIndi stAyed oveR to wAtch thE fiReworkS.hehe.we walKed to oNE fullerton to wATch tHe firewoRks.coZ tHE whOle eSplAnadE + marina area was full of peoPle.heh.so croWded.yUp.wE werE there @ 8pm anD wAited tiLL 8.30pM.so hUmid anD hot coZ of the peoPle sTAndinG there.hehe.so so crowDed.hehe.afteR muCh wAiTing.we werE rewarDed wiTh firEworkS.hehe.quIte shORt.onLy abOUt 5-10 mINs onlY.den oveR liAoz.we stOned therE for awHile b4 goiNg home.peI LindI mei hOme.soRry kAt nu eR.neXT time accOMpanY u hOme.hehe.yUp.tirEd.hehe.

stOp here.shaLL bLOg abT nDP anOther tIme. hehe..

~^*=-iTs bEEn moNths-=*^~

2004-08-04T22:39:00.000+08:00
iTs bEEn mOnths siNCe wE've laSt meT,
iTs bEEn mOnths siNCe wE've laSt taLkeD,
iTs bEEn mOnths. doN't knOW whetheR iS shE pisSed oR iS shE noT.
siGh. hEr biRthdAy iS coMing. don't kNow whAt to gIve. don't kNOw wheTher is iT woRth giVing.
soMetimeS feLt so diScoUragE thINkinG aboUt it. i shouLd apoLogIze to heR.
iTs reaLLy uP to fAte wHetheR wiLL shE forGive me. buT i'll noT givE up hOpe.
arGh. haVen beeN feeLing weLL foR the paSt few dAys. feVer is liKe a roLLar coAsteR.
coUgh iS lyK sO oftEn. arGh.

meI, dUN saD le oKay?. don't knoW why u sO quIeT that dAy.muS carRy oN tO be tHE fuNky u.
yUp. sTAy hapPy. =P

***veRy siCk!***

2004-08-02T22:15:00.000+08:00
arGh.geTTing veRy siCk noW.keeP couGhing anD couGhing.shOuldn't havE aTE thosE M & Ms this aFternoOn.arGh.now havIng slIght feveR.feeLing veRY miseRabLe.siGh.arGh.cAn't sTOp my coUghiNg now.sO siCk! arGh.hatE this!

***grEaT prEvieW kidS!***

2004-08-02T12:58:00.000+08:00
hEh.finaLLy can bLog.nOthinG to dO.so bLOg noW.hehE.
lASt sAturdAy wEnt doWn to GYSS coZ iTs theiR coMmendAtion dAy aKa spEecH dAy.weNt doWn to taKe a lOOk.heh.weLL nOT baD ba.hOpe thEy enJoy theiR coMmendAtion dAy.KeVin cAme to GYSS foR unIT vIsit.yUp.he cAme @ the riGht timE.cOZ it wAs rAining veRy heAvILy anD i cAn't gEt oUt oF tHat to sCh.wAs sUPposE to meet kAt tHEy aLL foR brEAdfaSt buT didn't.sORRy nu eR.yA.afTEr thAt wE wAnteD to go to HQ.haLFwAy tHRu.mOK caLLed me asKing mE what tIme wE mTg foR bkfAst.dEn i aSkeD if he wAnts a "shUn feng che" fROm keV.coZ wE werE neAr seraNgoon aND abOUt to tuRn inTo tHe exprEsswAy whEn he caLLed.heh.wAitEd for mOk @ hiS housE and wE wEnt oFF!.hEh.reaChed HQ anD it wAs stiLL rAining heAVilY.arGh.cadEts stArts to pOur inTo HQ anD i & mOK siTs @ thE staIRs.wAIting for breakfaSt.hEhE.yUP.afTer thAt wEnt to chANge anD dePArt hQ to SIS.reaChed therE.rEst.tOO soMe pIcturEs of pLpp slEepiNg.*eviL*.yUp.nOThing muCh.jUS soMe trAining anD waITing foR the prEvieW to staRt.i accOmpanIeD the trapoline markers to Nat. Stadium aND wAIted from 4.30 - 6.30.sO so borEd.arGh.buddEn the fuN part wAs siNging lOve soNgs tO *aHeMz*.heh.so faRni.aLL of us wAs siNginG to *ahEmz*.*ahEmz* wAS dIAo-inG @ uS.hehe.yUp.tHE rEst oF tHE caDets arrived @ thE Nat. staDium aNd whIle waiTing, thEy werE chAtting aroUnd.arGh.my thrOat wAs dYing tHAt timE.heh.tHE girLs gUide posEr sia!.cOpy oUR tAglinE anD movEmenT.hehE.nEveRtheleSs.it wAs fUN when bOth UGs do toGetheR.yUp.afTer thAt.tIme to gO in.yUp.heArd frOm soMe RCY vOlunteeRs whO wenT to thE prEvieW coMMenteD that it wAS exceLLent maRching.

WELL DONE KIDS!

afteR thAt we ruShed to tHE bUSes.tHe bUS 2 wAs so hilarioUs.aLL goT that NDP mOOd.sAng soMe NAtiOnal soNgs.makE noisEs.heh.yUp.weNt baCk HQ.tirEd.shAgged.dEn debrieF.wenT hOme.tHat sUMs uP the dAy's evEnt.heh.tHE niGht befoRe NDP, haD hiGh feveR + couGh.arGh.sHOuldN't havE atE toO muCh chOcolaTE.hehe.yUps.nOw goIng to sChool.siAnx.2pm prActical.arGh.Kat haS alreaDy fiNish her schOOl.arGh.yUp.late lIAoz gOTta go.pLpp! tag my boaRd!!! tAg tAg tAg tAg tAggED!!.heh.weLL.miSS u NDP kidS afTer 9 auGust.yeAhz.anYway.beST of luCk foR actuaL dAY!! TC!..hehe..siGninG oFF!..

~*sO siCk*~

2004-07-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

baCk fRom stOning.heh.tMr's NDP prEvieW liAoz.sO faSt.gOnna miSs thosE kidS.heh.bUt i won't cRy!hehe.yUp.hOpe tHeSe kidS wiLL pUt uP a gOOd shOw tMr.hEh.weLL.nT muCh hapPeninGs iN my lifE.yUp.blOg foR the sakE of bLoGGing.heh.bEen siCk foR 2 dAys beCoz i atE tHe whole baR of chOcolatE.arGh.rEgrEtting noW.nVm.heh.yUp.bEEn feeLing loSt foR the pAst few dAys toO.hiAz.woNderIng shOuld i gEt tHe stUFf oR not.weLL.i dUn wish to hOpe foR soMetHIng tHAt i'vE got nO hoPe oN.buT iF i don't dEn iTs unLike me.siGh.headaChe heAdache.aRgh.feVer is doWn.buT havIng maSsivE headaChe.hEhE.yUp.nOthinG muCh to bLOg abT liAoz.tirEd aLso.hAven fiNish my rEport yEt.aRgH.gOnna kILL myselF.kk.bLog tMr.heh.byeEe..=P

~exHasTed~

2004-07-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

baCk fRom hIbeRnaTing.heh.weLL.bEen feeLing kInda cheeRed uP thiS past feW daYs.but stiLL.tHat feeLing is stiLL theRe.haFta settLe it soon.heh.anYway.yeSterdAy weNt to tHE aiRpot to seNt AngelinE, law sir & tHe reSt oF the kidS off.'ll mISs my mEi one.heh.aSkeD wY to tAke carE of heR whiLe ask mEi to tAke carE of wY.hehE.so faRni.wAs alWays sAying "Thank You Angeline" & "Thank You Lawrence" whIch is a hinT that tHey mUst bUy prEzziE for uS.heh.weLL.after tHat weNt hOme abT 12am.pLayed thE com for awhIle b4 i sleeP.

tOday.nOthing mUCh.twO leCtures on MoLeculAr bIo & teChniqueS.sTArt lecturE leSs thAn 5 minUtes.brEAk lIAoz.coZ thE oveRheaD proJector dieD on AlViN eUn.hE cAme baCk wiTh anOther projectOr + lAptOp.buT it rEfuseD to gIve in to hIm.hEhe.baD lUCk i gUEss.dEn he uSEd the working OHP pLAceD his mOnitOR on tOp of it anD iT was scrEeneD on the screen.heh.smArt gUy.dEn weNt to do ceLL tech.went hoMe.doZed oFF in beD half nakeD.hehe.nOW tYPing thIs blOg.yUP.tHat suMs up mY lifE these paSt feW dayS.gOing to chAnge mY blOg skIn.hehe.lOOk oUt yaH?..hehe

UltrA G0nGsterisM...

going baCk to TeKong!!!

Yes Sergeant..Reporting To Tekong School 2..

another boring week...

counting down...

not in a good mood..not in a bad mood..

1 more month left...

Youth Day!!..

~~SYF FAD~~

@@Graduation Day@@

mondAy bLues...

HSA

blogging again...

fruitful week?..i think..

bee dae

LaTesT UpDaTe!

SeCond paRt.....

Past - Young

!~DiStAnt FrieNd~!

MonDay bLuEeeEee...~~~~

finaLLy!~..i'vE got IT!!!! hahahahaha...

~~~HomE hOme anD aWay~~~~~

yEt anOther week...22 weekS leFt!!

ThE tHiRd dAy...

Genome Institute Of Singapore...

baCk oNLine..

~~~~~~aFteR a Long tIme.....

idiOts!..

scHooL iS stArting!!!...

bLoG aGaiN....

HoLiDaYs.....BORED!!

HE.is.so.nonsense.

finaLLy, it'S ovEr....

!?!?!?!?!?!

KnEE iS dOwn!!..

exAmsss....!!! mugGg!!!!...

7 more days.....

.2.0.+.3.

rEpLieS...

ADVERTISEMENT!!!

..that......

......

cAmp!

1 more moNth...

siGh~......

LonG LonG TimE

...iT's her...

BeLaTeD VaLeNtinEs' DaY!*********

^yeT anOther weeK^

NYP oPen hoUsE

soMeThinG oN mY minD~

~Week4~

Her

WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!

(BoXiNG dAy!)

anOther BorinG dAy~

bEEn tHinKing agAin....

jus wondering aimlessly....

i'm siCk!!!

~nOt iN thE mOOd~

piCtuReS

SoUtH DiStRicT CaMp 2004

rEplYing tO uR diSaPPoiNtmenT

cArryinG oN________

siCk~*

~NdP GaTherinG~

finaLLy afteR a long dAy....

I wiLL bE missinG heR alWays.....

Gone......like thE winD....

i'm totaLLy exhaUsted...

....inhUmanE!...but loOks coOL!

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Final Chapter / Chapter 14

~~**A Romantic Story~~**Part 14

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 13

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 12

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 11

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 10

....so...so..worried...

*~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 9

~~**A Romantic Story**~~Part 8

SYF FAD

~HomE hOme anD aWay~~~

A Romantic StoryFinal Chapter / Chapter 14

A Romantic StoryPart 14

A Romantic StoryPart 13

A Romantic StoryPart 12

A Romantic StoryPart 11

A Romantic StoryPart 10

*A Romantic StoryPart 9

A Romantic StoryPart 8

A Romantic StoryPart 7

A Romantic StoryPart 6

^^A Love To Let Go^^

A Romantic StoryPart 5

A Romantic StoryPart 4

A Romantic StoryPart 3

A Romantic StoryPart 2

A Romantic Love Story Part 1

^-^bACk @ sCh^-^

~`afTer a Long dAy!`~

~^=-iTs bEEn moNths-=^~

veRy siCk!

grEaT prEvieW kidS!

~sO siCk~